The truth about today...and about all of the days I've experienced recently, actually...is that I wish I weren't living them at all. Not to say that I wish I weren't physically here - but that being emotionally and mentally so distant from where I want to be makes me long for an extended vacation.
Extended like for the rest of my life.
That's a thing, right?
Hawaii, anyone..?
Maybe it's actually that I'm NOT truly living my days - I'm just getting through them. Have you ever felt like that? Like you're scraping yourself out of bed in the morning and dragging yourself through them and frump-ing (not a verb, but you know what I mean) into bed at the end of them? Just to repeat the process again and again?? How do you even break that cycle??
A friend emailed me the other day and told me I seem so happy on all of my social media, and that she's happy for me to be so happy. That same day, another person in my life told me that I'm the most dramatic, negative person ever and that everyone hates my social media (??) <--this doesn="" font="" like="" me="" much.="" obviously.="" particularly="" person="" t="" very=""> It struck me as interesting that I had two people comment on that with such different perceptions in the same day. My conclusion was that they were each looking at my social media through the lens of their own experience, and that's how they were coming to such different conclusions about me/my life.
I wish it were easier to apply lessons like that to myself right now. I wish I could just look at situations in my life and say,"Well, self, this isn't ideal; however, it could be way worse! Look on the bright side!" without wanting to punch my optimistic self in the face. Or, "Hey, self, you get to choose the way you view your life! Why not count your blessings instead of eating an entire two-tiered box of Godiva chocolate by yourself?" <--this font="" happened.="" have="" may="" nbsp="" not="" or="">
You know what I mean?
The great, fantastic, absolutely wonderful news about little pockets of rainclouds in life is this: they pass. They always do. They're not fun, they don't come with a calendar for you to count down to sunshine, they aren't my favorite - but they pass. I'm doing my best to get enough sleep, not poison myself with chocolate-overload, etc....and sometimes that's all you can do.
I guess the point of this post is just to throw it out into the universe that I'm having a rough time, and I hope that if you're having a rough time, too, that you know that you're not alone. We're both just hanging out in the rain, waiting for the storm to pass. There are things to be learned in every season of life, and with every challenge there's an opportunity to grow.
(Don't ask me what we're supposed to be learning right now, because honestly - I don't freakin know.)
(Try me after the storm passes.)
Good luck, my fellow storm-friends. At least we're not in this alone.
xo.