Tuesday, September 11, 2018

To Those With Angry Hearts:

I don't usually respond en masse to upset comments, but I'm making an exception this morning.

This is a group response to the obviously hurt/offended commenters from my last post - who I actually believe is, in reality, probably just one or two, really angry/hurt/struggling people.

This is for you:

Let me begin with the reminder that there is no requirement to read anyone's blog. You don't have to read my thoughts and experiences if they are upsetting to you. In fact, I think you should probably not read here if it causes you distress - and I say that sincerely and with love.

That having been said, continue reading at your own risk.

Anyone who thinks I'd want my kids to forget the woman who carried them and brought them into this world, who loved them first - their mother - cannot have read my other blogs on this subject with unbiased eyes. For me to say I want them to choose me - I mean I want them to choose to see me as a mother in every way. I want them to love me the way I love them. That doesn't mean erasing their first mother - it absolutely doesn't mean forgetting her. You realize that I lost my own mother, yes..? That I know firsthand how losing and remembering a mother feels..?

There's no possible way you could have read my posts about losing my OWN mother and the way that devastating loss changed me - how I felt when my own Dad remarried - with an unbiased heart. Also - it made me laugh out loud (before feeling very angry for a moment) to read that I won't allow pictures of their mother in my home. I didn't know I had that rule! (I'm glad I've been informed of it now, though, so I can remove those rule-breaking photos from my children immediately.)(come on, people - for real? have you ever had a conversation with me about that..?? been to my house? obviously not.) **I’ve figured out where this notion came previous blog post where I tell a story about a specific picture at Grandma’s House. Let me remind you that just because I said grandma had a specific picture doesn’t mean that WE don’t have any. Why automatically assume that..?**

You haven't taken the time to clear the pain from your own heart to openly consider what this experience is like standing in someone else's shoes - in this case, mine. I realize that you might be a close friend or acquaintance/family member of my kid's Mom; I realize my openness about my experience might feel triggering or selfish to you.

Let me remind you, though, that this blog is, in fact, mine. Is everything on earth about me? Heavens no. But is this blog? Yes, haha. It's a blog about my experiences and thoughts and feelings. Again...if those things upset you...refer to the first paragraph.

I just needed to take a minute and lovingly remind people that I am just another person doing my best to work out the challenges in my life. I share openly to help other people. I love reading real, raw blogs. It helps me feel less alone in my imperfections. So I choose to share in the same way. That's all.

Let's all continue on with our lives now, shall we? I'm praying we can all face today with kindness, forgiveness and understanding in our hearts - myself included.


PS If you have more you'd like to say, I invite you to say it to me in person instead of in an anonymous set of comments.

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