Once upon a time...

I was very sleepy. The end.

Haha the story of my life lately, people!! Why, you ask? Honestly I have no idea. Compared to what my schedule was like for the past two years, hanging out in Utah is c-a-k-e. For some reason I just can't get enough sleep, though. Maybe its because I fall asleep watching The Devil Wears Prada every night? And wake up at half hour intervals reciting the lines from memory? Haha jk I don't do that. Or do I..? ...you'll never know...

In other news: I believe in inspiration. I also believe that Heavenly Father sometimes lets us stumble around in the dark for a while before turning on a light somewhere. Last night my testimony of that was strengthened as I struggled to complete a song for today's studio time.

Back story: I've been having a hard time knocking out the last four tracks for this album - mostly because I only wrote six tracks initially and thought "meh, no big deal...I'll just magically come up with the other six tracks along the way! let's sign a contract! woo!" (not the brightest move, right?). Needless to say, I've been stressed out about finishing the remaining songs. This project means so much to me, I want each track to be special and meaningful and awesome - but Heavenly Father hasn't exactly been pouring angelic songs into my ears as I sleep at night.

After much struggle and prayer and pleading and concern and worry for days I found myself awake last night at 2am still unsure of what I was going to bring to the table for tracking today in the studio. (To help explain: going to the studio without solid ideas, melodies, lyrics, etc...is like going to class when you have a presentation due and having NOTHING to present [cue nightmare fuel]. Plus imagine you had to pay a bunch of money just to sit there and not present anything. Not fun/gives me panic attacks.) I finally just sat back, shut my eyes after my fifty millionth prayer and just...listened.

Guess what? I finished the song. And today when I tracked it? My producer & I both got choked up because of the spirit of it. I felt humbled and grateful and it reminded me that I'm not doing this for myself - I'm trying to be a mouthpiece for Him...which means taking more time to listen to Him. Life lessons.

Eight tracked. Four to go.

Thanks for your love & support :) Love you all.

Not a Fluke.

You didn't think I was coming back, did you? INCORRECT. Here I am. Victory!

The last few days in the studio have been awesome/challenging/scary/slobbery. Sounds exhausting, doesn't it? It is.

Awesome: Heading to write and record every morning instead of heading to work! If only Ashlynd were in the studio all day everyday with me it'd be bliss. Miss that girl. Anyways. Hearing tracks I've had bouncing around in my brains for months being played through speakers after the incredibly talented Aaron Edson has made those ideas reality? Double awesome.

Challenging: Realizing that my ideas aren't as complete as I thought. Collaborating is hard stuff, people!! God gave me lots of gifts, but playing instruments is NOT one of them. This means that I have to verbally communicate my ideas to my producer which - luckily for me - typically works out just fine (choosing a producer who understands you is KEY)...but what happens when I can't seem to communicate what's in my head to him..?? That's when things get tricky. Dr Pepper comes in handy during these moments.

Scary: Some of you may not know the premise of this project (I'll post about it soon in more detail). This album is ultimately about my experiences with God and faith in the context of my family, trials, and the past couple years with my sweet Mom. Because all of those things are incredibly personal and intimate, I sometimes get nervous thinking about exposing myself to critiques by making a record about them. Everybody has an opinion, right?? Not all opinions are very kind. I've definitely felt more responsible for the weight of my words over the past weeks as I've started to realize that anyone who makes an album must feel like that record is their baby...a piece of themselves. I was talking to Nikki about those feelings a couple days ago and she started singing, "And I feel like I'm naked in front of a crowd...cuz these words are my diary screaming out loud...and I know that you'll use them however you want to." What a brilliantly perfect line. Brilliantly perfect and terrifying. Scary stuff.

Slobbery: I got to hang out with Molly in the studio on Monday. Molly is a lab mixed with...something? Ooh dear I fell in love with her pretty much immediately. I got a little choked up when she put her head in my lap and wanted some love. I miss Tucker and Lou SO much! Geeeez those dogs and their beards! I can't wait to see them soon.

In other news, I was up freakishly late last night stressing out over things that are completely and totally out of my control (why do I do that??) which means I'm absurdly tired right now. Studio in the morning! We're tracking two new songs...wish me luck!

xo love loves

Testing 1, 2...

Hi friends.

Remember that one time that I stopped blogging completely? (I know my Grandma did. Hi, Grandma!)

Well...lots of things have happened since then. For starters, I quit my job and moved to Utah. Insane, right?? Forrealz.

I know what you're thinking...You're thinking,"Calee...you hate Utah. You think Utah smells worse than Tucker's beard after he & Lou have been locked in the kitchen all day together and there's mysteriously no Lou poo on the ground when everyone gets home." And you know what? You're right.

BUT do you know what's IN Utah? (Enter jokes about fake tanned/enhanced women, lots of weird pest control salesman type dudes, and waaay too many crazy, caffeine-drinking jackmormons [i drink dr. pepper sometimes. don't hate]). Dreams are in Utah. Dreams that look and sound like me finally writing & recording a Christian album. Dreams that feel like my first summer since I was 18 that I'm not going to a 9-5 job. Dreams that smell like Dexter trying to smother me in my sleep. (Dexter is Nikki's overly affectionate cat). Dreams, I tell you. Dreams.

So I packed up my little Civic as full as it could get (technically Dad did the packing) and drove to Lehi, UT yesterday.

Today I met with the producer I'm working with to get this record done.

Tomorrow we start laying tracks.

So...if you're interested, I'm going to be blogging/tweeting/fb updating with all the joy, love, and pain that comes along with this awesomely exhausting process.

P.S. Feels good to be back.
P.P.S. Send me creative-try-to-not-screw-this-up-vibes.

love loves.