Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Allow me to take this moment to completely freak out.


We were all having a great time with "Pregnancy Appreciation Week!" and life was happy and exciting, right?

Well, I am officially taking a break because I needed the last couple days to COMPLETELY FREAK OUT.

We're having a baby. Tomorrow. And it's like being on a roller coaster and you're thinking to yourself, "Meh, this isn't so bad!"
(couple minutes later...heading up a big, loooooong, steep incline...)
"Um...that looks like a straight vertical drop coming up..Maybe I could just step out and onto these little steps next to the roller coaster and avoid the huge plummet that's coming up?"
(continues climbing.)
(climbing for about nine months or so.)
(that's a lot of climbing.)
"I kind of dislike roller coasters, now that I think about it... Why did I even get ON this roller coaster?! AAAHHHHH!!!"

That's kind of what my brain has been doing the past 48 hours.

Don't get me wrong - I want this baby. I know I do. I have for a really long time! But...somehow...somewhere, that knowledge has gotten buried underneath a mountain of fear and panic. And suddenly it sounds really scary to have a baby. And to have major surgery to GET my baby. And just everything that comes along with said baby. Sleep deprivation. Weird body stuff. Hormones from H E double hockey sticks. (who came up with that saying, by the way?? it's stupid.)

So...maybe I'll finish my Pregnancy Appreciation Week countdown and maybe I won't. Maybe I'll write a couple blog posts from the hospital while I'm all drugged up - that sounds fun, doesn't it??

Please think happy, calm, peaceful thoughts of fat, healthy, sleepy babies for me so I can be less of a basketcase tomorrow, March 21st at 12pm when I go in to have my firstborn cut from my womb.

Thank you all. And to all a good night.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Pregnancy Appreciation Week! Day 3: Free Pass

One of my very favorite things about being pregnant is that everyone cuts you slack. You're tired? It's ok, you're pregnant. Cranky? Pregnant. Looking especially bloated and puffy? Yep - preggo pass! It's pretty awesome.

I find myself feeling completely shameless buying impulse candy when in the check out line at the grocery store. People ask if I need help putting my groceries in my car. I'm given the comfy chair to sit in during Sunday School, and hardly anyone gives me dirty looks for snacking during sacrament meeting on fast Sundays (third trimester morning sickness, people. it's REAL.) My husband even yells at me (lovingly) for fixing the curtain rod - which, in all fairness, he's refused to fix for the past week SO my only option was to climb on top of our rickety bar stool and handle it myself the other night while he was at work. Obviously. It's actually really endearing how protective he's gotten...although, I'm not completely convinced he's not just sending me subliminal messages that he thinks I'm majorly uncoordinated and likely to kill our child because of it.

True story: Several weeks ago (when I was still working in the cafe) I ran to the store during a shift because the ice cream machine broke and we needed about a billion gallons of vanilla ice cream. I ended up buying every single gallon of vanilla ice cream at the store. I had over a dozen of those huge, plastic tubs of ice cream all lined up on the check out conveyor belt and was thinking how funny it must look to have this HUGE pregnant lady buying so much! The nice clerk rang me up and asked me,"How are you feeling tonight?" I responded with a straight face,"Oh fine. Just had a little craving for some ice cream." HE DIDN'T EVEN FLINCH. Just nodded politely and handed me my receipt! Hahaha. I laughed all the way out to the car. That man must have had a pregnant wife at some point in his life. He KNEW better than to laugh. Dozens of gallons of ice cream. No judgement.  Free pass.

There have been some days where I've legitimately needed the Preggo Pass. When I've felt my hormones doing really weird things and I find myself crying over the most bizarre garbage - or when I've been so full of RAGE that I just had to get in the car and drive to WalMart and buy yarn to calm down. (for the record: I have cried over some really stupid things while pregnant. and the thing that has made me the most upset? when I can't sleep and Shaun is snoring peacefully next to me like an angel. haha. I'm so selfish!)

Most of the time, though? I've felt like my normal self. Just bigger. And less comfortable. Ok and maaaaybe a little more crabby (because I'm big and uncomfortable. duh.) Either way - I'm going to miss having a free pass. A free pass to nap all afternoon. A free pass to demand chicken nuggets. DEMAND THEM, I SAY! A free pass to not carry in one single bag of groceries, or to skip running and just waddle for exercise.

I think I'll need chicken nuggets for lunch tomorrow, a big nap and then a foot rub. After all, I only have three more days of this. Gotta live it up while I can :)

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Pregnancy Appreciation Week! Day 4: Getting Crafty

At 14 weeks my doctor told us it looked like we were having a boy. So we got ALL excited and picked out a name and everything only to discover (at 20 weeks) that we are most definitely having a GIRL! I felt massively relieved because, well, look at the family I come from. PLUS! Girl babies are so much fun to dress! And less destructive in nature! And are easier to change! (diapers, I mean. at least, I think so.)

Once we found out it was a girl - and Shaun has made SURE to ask the ultrasound tech each visit whether or not our baby is still, in fact, a girl haha - I started feeling crafty. That blossomed into full blown crafting mania and I haven't stopped since! We're talking blankets, bows, onesies, you name it. It's freakin awesome.  I LOVE that I've had a) the time to do all of these things (see post from yesterday!) and b) that google and pinterest and youtube exist so I could find tutorials on all of these cute things for my baby!

Here are some pictures!

Baby scratch mits. Way cuter than any I could find on!
(this is before I added the elastic to the bottoms! One quilting fat quarter for .99 cents at WalMart makes two pair of these adorable guys!)

Flannel blanket with lace edging! 
Kristina bought me a sewing machine for Christmas (and my baby shower) and this project is one that I'm most proud of :) Crooked stitching and all haha.

Baby bows! 
Felt, ribbon, left over lace from our wedding - you name it, it can be turned into an adorable infant bow which can be popped onto an interchangeable nylon baby headband and VOILA! Instant (and inexpensive) baby accessory!

This blanket took me forever. And I crocheted it for someone else. Who, it turns out, hates pink and so I ended up crocheting her a different baby blanket haha. Glad I asked before I sent it...

This is the best thing ever and I want to make a billion more.
(even though Shaun says our baby is going to look like a weird-o and all the other babies are going to make fun of her weird clothes.)
Don't care. It's cute. And I love it.

Check out these pictures from the tutorial
You're telling me this baby looks like a weirdo?! I think not.

 Babies love sunsuits
(as demonstrated by the following picture:)

Minky blanket.
Deliciously soft and adorable. 
I got the kit on sale at Porters. Woot!

Ok Shaun has suddenly decided that watching Cool Hand Luke is the most important thing in the universe and is getting MAJORLY bummed on me blogging. So I shall end this post now!

Moral of this post: BABY CRAFTS ARE THE BEST AND I'M GOING TO SPEND THE NEXT THREE DAYS SEWING AND GLUE GUNNING MY BRAINS OUT (while eating copious amounts of Easter candy...shh...don't tell Shaun...)

Four more days!!! AHH!

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Pregnancy Appreciation Week! Day 5: Time

Shaun and I spent some time planning when we thought would be the ideal time to get pregnant. We decided that we wanted to have our baby AFTER he finished his undergrad studies, but before his master's program started. That way, we wouldn't be up all night with an infant at the end or the beginning of a new educational venture. We didn't spend a lot of time considering anything else, however, and ended up getting pregnant the EXACT month we had decided would be ideal! Party! ...right? Umm...

What we DIDN'T consider was that I would be in San Diego working a full time job during my entire first trimester, and part of my second. We didn't consider that I'd be involved with heavily promoting my album, The Waiting Place, which meant endless flights and traveling. We didn't consider that Shaun would and I would be apart for most of that time, too - him in Rexburg finishing his final semester of school, and me working in San Diego through the end of October.

Needless to say, I cursed my lack of foresight SEVERAL times during those months. I was sick all the time, unable to sleep, grumpy and exhausted from pregnancy PLUS working full time at a demanding job PLUS travelling and performing (poor people sitting next to me on all those flights...I still feel bad for them haha). I felt overwhelmed...I felt like I just wanted to see my husband and complain to him and never, ever get out of bed again. It was a really difficult time for me.

But you know what? I got through it. WE got through it. Shaun finished his last semester at BYU-I (WOOHOO!!), I moved from San Diego back to Idaho and spent my last couple months working with a bunch of people who I truly love. We got through applying for grad school. And now? Now I've had time. LOTS of it. And it has been AWESOME.

Not everyone gets time before their baby comes to do whatever they want. Don't get me wrong, it isn't like I can do WHATEVER I want...we're on a budget here, people...but I've had time to sleep (when my body decides to), I've had time to blog, craft, write for a new project ::fingers crossed, everyone!!::, cook dinner, and get as ready as possible for this baby. I've tried to shut off that little voice in my head that says," You should be doing...:blah blah whatever:" and lay in bed a little longer. I've tried to take more time to appreciate every second I can with my husband. I mean, after just a few days it won't just be me and him alone ever again! I've had time to sit and be quiet and appreciate our tiny apartment and our simple life and think about how I'm so lucky to have a  man that I love so much and a baby that I've wanted for so long.

So tonight I'm giving TIME a shout out. Crazy time full of work and responsibility to quiet time full of anticipation and happiness and chilling out. 9 months felt like forever when this whole adventure started, and now it seems like it flew by in a blink! I'm so grateful for the time I've had these past few weeks to just BE.

Five days until my life changes forever. I have a feeling that these are going to be the longest - and shortest - five days ever.

Friday, March 15, 2013

Pregnancy Appreciation Week! Day 6: The Bump

I'd like to take a moment and appreciate my massive baby bump that has magically appeared over the past few months. Sometimes I whine that I can't roll over in bed because of it (well, without grunting and needing a push from my groggy and cranky husband haha), sometimes I whine because it squishes my lungs and makes it hard to breathe, most of the time it's a catchall for every errant Pop Tart crumb and drip of syrup or orange juice (I honestly never knew I was such a sloppy eater. Before my belly did all of these things just end up on the floor??? good grief!). One time I even cried because I couldn't fit it into a maternity skirt belly band!! (seriously that just happened to me a couple weeks ago and I was devastated for a solid half hour. but then I discovered cookie dough ice cream in the freezer and all was right in the world again.)

It's true that I can't even pretend to squeeze into a pair of my old jeans anymore (seriously - who are these freak women who wear the same jeans their ENTIRE PREGNANCY with long tank tops covering the un-button-able parts?!), and it's true that I'm going to have a jiggly jello belly for a little while after baby girl is born. Shoot, let's be real and just put it out there that I might NEVER get my flat tummy back. Ever. At least not the way that it was.


Can we all agree that a baby bump is, all things considered, pretty amazing?? I mean...I've done basically nothing to create this life beyond the initial conception. I try to eat healthy, I drink lots of water, try to choke down my prenatals at least every now and then (FREAK I HATE THOSE THINGS) - sure. But ultimately I've gotten a front row seat to the most incredible creation process by just being a woman and getting pregnant. I've gotten to FEEL this little friend kicking and rolling. I've gotten to spend time awake at night feeling her hiccup and getting to know her little personality. I get to wear adorable maternity clothes (when they fit haha), wear leggings everyday without shame, feel justified waddling everywhere I go, and - best of all - I get to look in the mirror and shake my head in wonder at the miracle that my body is a part of.

I will miss you, my bump, in six days after our baby is born. I will miss watching you move around, all full of baby, and I will miss how freaked out Shaun gets when he sees a big kick or roll. I'm afraid that after she's born I'll stop feeling as connected to the 'miracle' aspect of this whole process - that I'll forget how overwhelmingly spiritual and special it has been...because my bump will go from being a quiet, constant reminder to a demanding, lively infant. I'll just have to remind myself to come back and read this post.'s to you, baby bump. You're huge and not super comfortable to lug around, but you're one of the best things that's ever happened to me. And I'll miss you when you go. 

Thursday, March 14, 2013

7 Days! Pregnancy Appreciation Week

So I've decided to blog every day for the next week in honor of having spent the last nine months of my life pregnant! Because we're having a scheduled c-section, I know FOR SURE that at the MOST I will only be pregnant for another seven days. That blows my mind.

Let's be grateful, shall we? I spend a lot of time lately expressing how uncomfortable I am, how swollen I am, how tired I am, etc...BUT in reality, I am really REALLY grateful that I've gotten to experience pregnancy (and all of it's glorious, strange, and [at times] disgusting symptoms).

I spent a lot of time in my early and mid twenties feeling fairly certain that I'd never have kids. Not because I didn't WANT kids, but because I seemed to really struggle with the whole 'finding the right person to have kids with' thing. At times I felt pretty bitter watching women have their sweet babies, and loving husbands, and awesome lives.

DAY 7 of Pregnancy Appreciation Week is dedicated to appreciating God and His timing. I couldn't see it back then, but when I look back now I can see some reasons that it took me a little while to get to this point in my life. And I'm grateful. I'm grateful that God knows me better than I know myself. I'm grateful that THAT time period in my life is over, but also for all the things I learned about myself during it. I'm grateful that after all that waiting and praying for it I have my loving husband and sweet baby (almost!) and my life is awesome. Yeah, we're poor and in school. Yeah, we live in the world's tiniest apartment in the world's tiniest town with the world's tiniest income haha. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? This is what I've wanted for a loooong time. And if that means swollen ankles and heartburn 24/7 and body parts getting stretched out (that, let's be real, will probably never UNstretch...) and a budget the size of a thimble and sleepless nights and never-ending cravings for pickles and mustard and chicken nuggets and Taco Bell (...wonder why I have heartburn..??) then SO BE IT.

God knew what I could handle back then, and He knows what I can handle now. All of the waiting, all of the's all lead me here. And a week from today I get to be a Mom. And that's the best, most amazing, most overwhelmingly terrifying and beautiful gift God could ever give me.

The end.


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