Thursday, December 25, 2008
So... my family is awesome.
I live in Utah and forget the cool things that my family does while I'm away. One of those things is sing. Everyone in Utah says they sing, so it kind of cancels out the cool factor when I consider myself a singer.
But then I come home and my family is seriously legit. We went to the temple a few nights ago and I got to sing a few with my family and then sit for the rest of the songs with all of the people that came down (just to see them sing!).
They sang Christmas songs for about an hour, in front of the temple. They have all of the lights up down there and a little musical program each night leading up to Christmas, and the 23rd was my fam. They are so good. It was awesome, and beautiful outside and the spirit was incredible.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
It is awesome.
Today was a killer example of why my mother is so hilarious. A lot of you know that she's been really sick lately, so she has a flippin pharmacy in the house with all the pain meds they have her on. I was up last night at 4:30ish (long story) and she just randomly walked into the room, wide awake, talking trash about me. "Dang it Kristina always leaves the freakin lights on! Oh hi Rae Rae Shmae Shmae."
We hung out for a while, and then went to sleep since we had to leave at 7 to go to her doctor's appointment. This is where my story really begins.
We get in the car, and she warns me that she just took a pain pill so she might be a little loopy. Talk about understatement of the century. She told me the same directions at least five times, after I had already done what she told me. "Okay, I just turned right on to 125 S. What's next?" "Go for five miles. Turn right onto 125 S." "Got it. Thanks mom. We'll get there in no time."
We get to the doctor's office and she goes off for like two straight minutes about how beautiful the christmas decorations are. Then the nurse gives her things to fill out and she is crackin jokes right and left. This is the conversation that ensued, amidst a variety of random inappropriate inside jokes that I'll omit for the safety of the innocent:
Mom: Hey, I'm putting you down as my contact.
Mom: What's your phone number?
Mom: STOP. i know it. i know my daughter's phone number.
Mom: What is it?
Mom: I know! 581-4554. 4533. 3445! (full on shouting by the last number)
Me: 4535 mom. close.
Mom: I TOLD YOU I KNEW IT! hahahahahaha!!!
(Obviously the best joke ever told.)
Nurse in the corner: Laughing to herself
Mom: It's asking what our relationship is
Mom: PROBLEMATIC! HAHAHAHAHA! That's our relationship! Get it? Get it?
Seriously like full volume. I was crying laughing. She was cracking herself up. Then she flirted with the nurse named William for a while and called this body builder guy a wussy because he wanted meds. They asked her if the bed was comfortable and she literally fell directly backwards so her head was awkwardly tucked in the crease of the bed, and was like "yeah, super comfortable doc."
I'm not even kidding you right now.
Best morning of my life.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
2. Cory is taking a little Christmas haitus to his lovely, snowy hometown: Boise.
3. Then Christmas. (-4 Schroeders.) (Well, technically I guess -3 Crandalls and -1 Schroeder.) (Anyways. It all equals CRAPPY in the end.)
Friday, December 19, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
At first I felt silly for the tears that came to my eyes over a simple act of kindness, but then I realized that my friendships and even emotions are such blessings. I have been given so much - especially the last few months. I'm about to get mushy and religious, so if you are uninterested be warned.
I have wondered so much lately how people get through difficult times in life without the Gospel. Even knowing everything I know and feeling God's love so strongly, I have still had an unbelievably hard time. I think I reached a breaking point. That place where I literally had to fall to my knees and admit that I can't do it anymore. I needed help - somehow, even if in only ONE aspect of my life. I felt like I had 50 plates spinning and all of them were crashing.
And honestly, miracles started happening. I have learned incredible things about the Atonement and its ability to not only remove stain but also sorrow and sickness of heart. I know Christ lives and is very aware of me and my situation. It's been such a relief to step back and let Him take control of things. I'm just moving forward, trusting the fact that He's led me in good directions so far and will continue to.
One of my favorite EFY songs ever is called "Broken" by Kenneth Cope. You should look it up. It is my theme song lately. :) I really believe that the Lord can speak to our hearts a little bit easier when they are broken. Isn't that what he's looking for from us anyway? Broken hearts and contrite spirits. So really, I should be thanking those who broke my heart and helped me get to this point. It's all part of the plan.
This is a quote from Elder Uchtdorf's talk:
"Hope is a gift of the Spirit. It is a hope that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the power of His Resurrection, we shall be raised unto life eternal and this because of our faith in the Savior. This kind of hope is both a principle of promise as well as a commandment, and, as with all commandments, we have the responsibility to make it an active part of our lives and overcome the temptation to lose hope. Hope in our Heavenly Father’s merciful plan of happiness leads to peace, mercy, rejoicing, and gladness. The hope of salvation is like a protective helmet; it is the foundation of our faith and an anchor to our souls."
Hope is a gift, a promise and a commandment. I have felt a huge difference in my life from the moments I've allowed myself to lose hope and the other moments when I embrace it. I feel happy and light when I can step back and trust. I just say to myself "You know, there is absolutely nothing you can do about this except put on a smile, trust that Heavenly Father knows what He's doing and hope for a happier tomorrow than yesterday."
I hope we all can have happy tomorrows.
Actually let's have happy todays, shall we?
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Those moments come and go less frequently now and I really look forward to the day when they stop altogether. Or when I have someone there to comfort me through it.
But for now, I really am on my own.
I'm sure everyone has felt that way at one time or another. Thus our awesome church leaders have compiled talks and articles about loneliness and how to fight it.
Here are a few of my recent favorites. Enjoy.
Alone, but not lonely
We are not alone
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Just in case you wanted a brief rundown of my night...
1.My father and I sat together on the couch and watched bowling. When I say WE watched bowling, of course, I mean I sat here and tried to pay attention...while my brains were turning to crap (haha crap-for-brains)...as he explained the intricacies of bowling....
...Yes, they actually show bowling on TV.
...And my father Tivo's it....
2.I also participated in several entertaining conversations on Facebook chat. Thanks to everyone involved - you know who you are and I thank you for bringing laughter and joy into my life after bowling nearly sucked my entire soul out.
3. I wondered if Brooke hates her hair for a bit.
Things I'm currently thinking about:
Note to Rae: ...we shared some confessions tonight that need never be spoken aloud again. (Aloud means like never EVER again....typed, spoken, signed, telegraphed or otherwise...). One more for you this lovely evening - I didn't really pee my pants. I still have to pee though - it's starting to hurt, actually. Sorry for being so graphic. Feel free to edit this later. You thought it was so funny that I couldn't tell you in the moment :\ Sorry.
BLAST!! I keep deleting things as I type. Something I do on my new laptop makes everything get deleted...-sigh-
There. I blogged. Happy?
p.s. I love Blue October - look them up and love them
p.p.s. http://www.pandora.com/ <-- the best website for working in an office ever!!
p.p.p.s. I miss my sisters!! Come home and let's all be friends again :(
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Thursday, December 4, 2008
I just found this on my friend Lindsay's blog. Freaking hilarious.
You twilight fans will either love it or hate it. I chose to love. My glass is half full lately, remember? So funny.
The part where she falls in the mud made me right laugh out loud. Oh man.
Now please, enjoy all 50 posts from the last two days. haha. :)
I was in the temple today and it felt so nice. It made me realize how much I've missed going all the time. It also made me realize there have been a lot of really nice things about being single that I've reunited with lately, and it's been awesome.
So here is a list of things I have missed dearly, and I'm happy to have them back.
1. Temple Thursdays
3. Eating just a sandwich for dinner
5. Going to my own ward each week
6. First Kisses
7. Going to bed early
8. Not having the TV on constantly
9. The sound of quiet
10. Hanging out with the roomies
11. Loud loud music
12. Playing the piano
13. Checking people out. haha!
14. Doing exactly what I want. All the time.
15. Going on dates
16. Spending money on myself
17. Being excited for business school
18. Being the center of attention sometimes (wow what is that like!)
19. Not worrying all the time
20. Feeling hot, funny, smart
21. Being able to be set up with friends' other hot friends
22. Not sitting at home on Friday nights
23. Talking about politics
24. Not going to the movies if I don't want to. Or doing anything if I don't want to.
25. Getting butterflies when you snuggle with someone
26. Starting a night with a stranger and ending it with a friend
27. Being known for me
28. Not having the boy I'm with leave at ten.
29. Meeting random people at random places. Who knows what could happen?
30. Playing with missionaries who are home now
I can keep going, I'm sure. Isn't it fun to think of those things? It made me have a good day. I keep finding new ones and just feeling that little happy feeling in my heart. The Lord is good to me.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Okay for the best effect, turn on "Gone Daddy Gone" by Gnarls Barkley.
Oh, I found him.
Stupid way to think? Normal? I don't know. It's just the way I am and have been.
It's gotten to the point lately, however, that rather than place the blame on someone else, I'll carry it on my shoulders. Well if I had done this differently, or that. Maybe he was driven to do this, I didn't really leave a choice in the matter... blah blah. I have found myself over-analyzing things again and again just so I can find some kind of noble explanation for his actions that seem terrible on the outside but can't possibly really be that way... right?
I've reached a new mental ground. It seems weird that this would be hard, but it's the truth. It's taken work for me to let go of the hope of the person he could be. Just because someone has that potential doesn't mean that's what they are. People have agency. If they make bad choices, it doesn't matter how far they CAN go, because they just won't. No matter how much you wish they would.
I have been wronged, and that's okay. I'm angry and irritated and frustrated at the unfairness of his choices, and it's refreshing. I think it is a necessary part of the healing process to feel anger and place blame where blame is due. The only thing I can be faulted for is that I loved too much, too blindly. Gave too much of myself to something that wasn't real.
And you know what? It feels nice. I did what I could. I am not the one with the problem here. I'm not the one who should be apologizing or trying to change. I did what I could and I'm content to close the door, end the story on that note.
It's like a breath of fresh air.
And I'm not going to let it stop me from trusting again in the future. Trusting him? You bet your schroeder-sized booty that that won't happen. But trusting others that come into my life? I think it will come fairly easily. And one day I'll find someone who deserves it.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
So obviously it was a little unnatural when Mr. Huge comes strolling into my life and can't even breathe without having some kind of sport-related topic on his mind. Everything from where we eat dinner (will the game be on?) to the radio we listen to (let's just listen until Bronco's done... oh wait I wanted to hear this next interview) and even analogies during religious discussions were suddenly completely revolving around sports.
It was exhausting, to say the least. I really struggled with it for a while. And now, as everyone knows, he's gone his way and I've gone mine. So I was honestly looking forward to the break from the sports craziness.
And, I've realized something. And I need to confess.
I LOVE SPORTS.
There, I said it. I love them. Not only do I love baseball and will never give up on my Pads, but I have become a Jazz fan, UFC-lover, and most importantly, a Cougar. I know about as much as one person can humanly learn in one year about college football and BYU in particular.
In spite of how much I would love to be really busy on some incredibly hot date on Saturday afternoon rather than watching the biggest game of my lame-0 ex-boyfriend's season, I can't do it. I am like counting down to the game. I absolutely hate Utah and I have been reading every article and watching every newscast about the Holy War, hoping that somehow it will make it come faster. Dave Nixon mercilessly hitting Brian Johnson? Um, yes please. Hall throwing over Kruger's stupid annoying head to connect with Collie? Pitta? Reed? Unga? George? The Utes don't have a chance. I am seriously so excited.
I don't know what's wrong with me. But I do feel better getting that off my chest. I'll shout it from the rooftops - I. like. sports.
My future husband is going to owe Jan a thank you card.
Monday, November 17, 2008
The Middle - Jimmy Eat World
Shake it Off - Mariah Carey
Goodbye to You - Michelle Branch
Lollipop - Mika
Single - Natasha Bedingfield
Gone in the Morning - Newton Faulkner
Brighter - Paramore
Fidelity - Regina Spektor
Outta My Head- Ashlee Simpson
Better in Time - Leona Lewis
You Learn - Alanis Morissette
Bad Day - Daniel Powter
Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap
Stop Crying Your Heart Out - Oasis
The Remedy - Jason Mraz
I'm Movin On - Rascal Flatts
Holding Out for a Hero - Frou Frou
In the End - Linkin Park (Yes, I'm serious.)
and my theme song:
Irreplaceable - Beyonce
So we went to Sprinkles. And it was delicious.
So I'm having a birthday. Woo. (<--not so enthused.)
Here's my happy little Sprinkles story:
P.S. Kristina loves it when I use the word 'delicious' over and over again.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
'Sisters, not lesbians.'
That's what I thought this blog should be called. Kristina, being the voice of reason she usually is (when she's not too busy being the voice of sarcasm), decided we should name our sisterly blog something less racy. (If I had started this blog with Brooke, however...). Anyways. We're single now. But together. In a sisterly way - not geographically, I mean. I basically just want more pizza and ice cream to drown my sadness over becoming recently without a man-friend.
That having been said, go get yourself something tasty to munch on and we can have a moment together...to remember that life's short, so you should probably eat some dessert. What kind? It doesn't really matter. Anything sugary. Or salty. Anything your mother wouldn't let you eat as a kid (which, for me, includes dog food)...whatever you choose, we don't judge here. Go on. Eat some. Ready? Go.
And read our blog while you're eating it. Happier? Glad we could help.
Monday, November 10, 2008
It made me stop for a second as I realized something. That little bug and I aren’t too different from each other. Just like the fly, I know what I want and can even see it. It seems so easy to be able to just get there – it’s right in front of my face. But for some reason, something is keeping me from it. There is a boundary that I can’t see and I don’t understand.
Am I flying at a lightbulb maybe? A fake version of what I think I want? Or maybe I am flying over and over again at the window, which shows accurately what I want but I’m just taking the wrong road to get there.
I’m sure the Lord is watching all of this with sadness in his heart similar to my own toward the bug. He knows the way to my happiness, but I’m too busy and frantic at my own dilemma to understand. The lucky thing is he does speak my language. I just need to stop freaking out long enough to ask him.
It’s interesting how you can tell a bug is near the end when it just starts flying into the window over and over, faster and faster, regardless of that fact that it is obviously not working. How many times do we do that? Start spazzing out and fly into the same window over and over, waiting for a hole to magically appear.
I need to take a step back and figure out my surroundings before I reach that point and let my own fear and frantic state kill me.
I think if I could speak bug language, we would’ve had a deep conversation.