Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Rita Roasted

I'd like to dedicate this post to my awesome mom. She is the funniest person I know (in a completely accidental way) and I absolutely love her. Coming home for holidays is fun because everyone is at work all day and busy, but mom and I get to just chill at the house. I basically follow her around all day and laugh at the silly things she says and tell her that, yes, that necklace is cute, or yes, i like your new pants, or yes, your hair looks totally natural. And listen to her repeat the same story she just told me an hour ago, or yesterday, or last week on the phone. They are good stories - totally worth hearing a few times.

It is awesome.

Today was a killer example of why my mother is so hilarious. A lot of you know that she's been really sick lately, so she has a flippin pharmacy in the house with all the pain meds they have her on. I was up last night at 4:30ish (long story) and she just randomly walked into the room, wide awake, talking trash about me. "Dang it Kristina always leaves the freakin lights on! Oh hi Rae Rae Shmae Shmae."

We hung out for a while, and then went to sleep since we had to leave at 7 to go to her doctor's appointment. This is where my story really begins.

We get in the car, and she warns me that she just took a pain pill so she might be a little loopy. Talk about understatement of the century. She told me the same directions at least five times, after I had already done what she told me. "Okay, I just turned right on to 125 S. What's next?" "Go for five miles. Turn right onto 125 S." "Got it. Thanks mom. We'll get there in no time."

We get to the doctor's office and she goes off for like two straight minutes about how beautiful the christmas decorations are. Then the nurse gives her things to fill out and she is crackin jokes right and left. This is the conversation that ensued, amidst a variety of random inappropriate inside jokes that I'll omit for the safety of the innocent:

Mom: Hey, I'm putting you down as my contact.
Me: Okay.
Mom: What's your phone number?
Me: 76-
Mom: STOP. i know it. i know my daughter's phone number.
Me: Okay.
Mom: What is it?
Me: um.
Mom: I know! 581-4554. 4533. 3445! (full on shouting by the last number)
Me: 4535 mom. close.
Mom: I TOLD YOU I KNEW IT! hahahahahaha!!!
(Obviously the best joke ever told.)
Nurse in the corner: Laughing to herself
Mom: It's asking what our relationship is
Me: Okay.
Mom: PROBLEMATIC! HAHAHAHAHA! That's our relationship! Get it? Get it?

Seriously like full volume. I was crying laughing. She was cracking herself up. Then she flirted with the nurse named William for a while and called this body builder guy a wussy because he wanted meds. They asked her if the bed was comfortable and she literally fell directly backwards so her head was awkwardly tucked in the crease of the bed, and was like "yeah, super comfortable doc."

I'm not even kidding you right now.

Best morning of my life.


Nikki said...

hahahahahahahahahah!! Oh my gosh. I am laughing out loud. I can picture mom in her loopy goodness...oh man. hahah. Good story.

Amy Marie said...

I love your mom!!


Kristen said...

oh my gosh. the picture in the doctors office just totally sums it all up :)

Amber Irene said...

bahahaha. this reminds me of some good times

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