Ok.
We were all having a great time with "Pregnancy Appreciation Week!" and life was happy and exciting, right?
Well, I am officially taking a break because I needed the last couple days to COMPLETELY FREAK OUT.
We're having a baby. Tomorrow. And it's like being on a roller coaster and you're thinking to yourself, "Meh, this isn't so bad!"
(couple minutes later...heading up a big, loooooong, steep incline...)
"Um...that looks like a straight vertical drop coming up..Maybe I could just step out and onto these little steps next to the roller coaster and avoid the huge plummet that's coming up?"
(continues climbing.)
(climbing for about nine months or so.)
(that's a lot of climbing.)
"I kind of dislike roller coasters, now that I think about it... Why did I even get ON this roller coaster?! AAAHHHHH!!!"
That's kind of what my brain has been doing the past 48 hours.
Don't get me wrong - I want this baby. I know I do. I have for a really long time! But...somehow...somewhere, that knowledge has gotten buried underneath a mountain of fear and panic. And suddenly it sounds really scary to have a baby. And to have major surgery to GET my baby. And just everything that comes along with said baby. Sleep deprivation. Weird body stuff. Hormones from H E double hockey sticks. (who came up with that saying, by the way?? it's stupid.)
So...maybe I'll finish my Pregnancy Appreciation Week countdown and maybe I won't. Maybe I'll write a couple blog posts from the hospital while I'm all drugged up - that sounds fun, doesn't it??
Please think happy, calm, peaceful thoughts of fat, healthy, sleepy babies for me so I can be less of a basketcase tomorrow, March 21st at 12pm when I go in to have my firstborn cut from my womb.
Thank you all. And to all a good night.
5 comments :
Aw, Calee. It is an eternal change in your life. Totally normal to freak out. Like, MAJOR freak out. Glad to hear you're normal! And ... I will be praying for said fat happy baby. :) Odds are in your favor that tomorrow will pass. Odds are also in your favor that you will be in heaven, despite all the things you mentioned. Love to you, girl.
I am overwhelmed with happiness for you, Calee. I will say that I had a planned c-section also, and on the last day of my pregnancy, I was so sad because I knew I would never be pregnant again. I enjoyed every day of being pregnant, especially at my age. I grieved about not being pregnant anymore.
But, the next day came and there was a precious little girl, Valorie, suddenly in our lives. We have never been happier. I'm sure you two will feel the same. All My Love to You, Anne
I am so happy that I am going to share a birthday with your baby. One more link to your mom and your family. I know everything will be wonderful and you will be the happiest girl in the world. Happy "birth" day:)3712rninain
Good luck! Sorry about the surgery part. No fun, I've heard, will that be, but it is what it is!
I'm glad the roller coaster analogy works for you. It's an awesome ride, you're going to love it, and the crazy hormone swings and the post-delivery recovery stuff is all going to be one smeary blur in your memory later - so no worries if there's a little more freaking out in the next week or two. :D She won't remember it either.
AND!
If it makes you feel any better, your baby has some super duper huge changes coming at her too in the immediate future.
I'M SO EXCITED FOR YOU!
Good luck! Sorry about the surgery part. No fun, I've heard, will that be, but it is what it is!
I'm glad the roller coaster analogy works for you. It's an awesome ride, you're going to love it, and the crazy hormone swings and the post-delivery recovery stuff is all going to be one smeary blur in your memory later - so no worries if there's a little more freaking out in the next week or two. :D She won't remember it either.
AND!
If it makes you feel any better, your baby has some super duper huge changes coming at her too in the immediate future.
I'M SO EXCITED FOR YOU!
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