March 21st, 2013

I could hardly sleep the night before March 21st, 2013. I spent most of the night staring at the pack n play in our room...the pink fuzzy blanket inside it, the changing table with diapers and wipes all lined up, hand sanitizer, mobile...thinking how crazy it was that the next time I spent the night in my bedroom there would be a baby sleeping in that pack n play. (note: she hasn't slept in that pack n play one time. haha. mostly because she choked on some spit up while we were in the hospital and now I can't sleep unless she's propped up in her swing [just in case!]).

One of the best and worst parts of having a scheduled c-section is knowing when your baby is coming (unless you go into labor early or something). This means that I had weeks and weeks to be neurotic about scheduling. Scheduling when I would deep clean the bathroom for the last time, when I would need to sweep and mop and vacuum to ensure optimum cleanliness upon returning home with a baby, when I would need to pack my hospital bag, her diaper bag, nag Shaun to death about this and that. You know. The usual.

On Wednesday the 20th we registered with the hospital and they told us to call at 11ish the next day to make sure all the other labors/inductions had gone according to schedule, so we wouldn't have to sit at the hospital waiting if our 12pm surgery time got bumped. When I called at 11ish on the 21st, the response from the nurse was,"Oh! We've been waiting on you! We thought you'd be here at 10:30! Can you get here...like right now??" And ALL of my last minute cleaning plans flew out the window. My blood pressure shot through the roof and I found myself being whisked down the stairs of my apartment building, car seat, hospital and diaper bag(s) in tow. I had honestly hoped and wished for our surgery to get bumped. Til like...after Christmas. Haha. But NOPE. It was GO time. And I was late.

We stopped to take a quick picture outside the hospital. A part of me wanted to run away in that moment. Run away from the hospital with it's knives and IV's and needles and life-changing, reality-altering, baby-producing surgery.

I didn't run away though. Mostly because running was out of the question - I could barely waddle, let alone attain a speed anywhere NEAR "running". So I walked in those doors and got on that elevator and faced that uncertainty with what I can only describe as thinly veiled terror.

(Luckily for everyone involved, they had a dozen nurses jump me as soon as I walked into my room - so I didn't have a lot of time to plan my escape from that point on.)

Turns out my Dr had some kind of family emergency :perfect!: so he had to bow out of my surgery and left it to his partner - who's humor and bedside manner was just irreverent enough to keep me feeling at home. I'm pretty sure I had a heart attack when they started wheeling me into that OR. I waved goodbye to my family and kept focusing on Shaun and told myself it would all be over soon.

NOTE: Thank you to the friends who told me how freakishly cold the OR would be. Like...did we warp to Alaska?! Why, for the LOVE, is it -30 in there?! Holy cow. At least I was completely naked. That helped.

Back to the story: The nice anesthesiologist popped in to walk me through the process of giving me my spinal. Which was terrifying. I wished no one had told me and that they'd just stabbed me while I was distracted. I was afraid of the pain, and it turns out I was justified in that fear. I had a couple super intense hip spasms when he put the needle in my back and if I could have, I DEFINITELY would have run at that point. The good news? It was aaaaaaalllll gravy from there! (except for the catheter. didn't I SPECIFICALLY ask for that bad boy to be placed AFTER my spinal took effect...??? umm...yeah. thanks for holding off on that one...not. o-u-c-h.)

Let me tell you something, though...do you know how amazing it feels to lay on your back, completely pain free, for the first time in months? AMAZING, PEOPLE. My whole body was warm and comfy and fabulous. I didn't experience the whole "my spinal made it feel like I couldn't breathe" phenomenon (thank heavens). I just felt...warm. And sleepy. Incredibly, incredibly sleepy.

"They've started," the anesthesiologist said. "That's horrifying!" I thought happily as I imagined my insides being cut open. So comfy! Didn't care.

I watched Shaun's face when the nurses prompted him to look over the blue sheet dividing our blissful ignorance from the gore of a c-section. He only looked a couple times. I can't say I blame him. Kristina got to come into the surgery, too! To take pictures. Long story - turns out I'm a little anatomically weird (hence the scheduled c-section) and they made an exception to have two family members in surgery! She watched the whoooooole thing. And was excited about it. Too much Grey's Anatomy for SOMEone...

Maybe I should post some pictures!?

haha jk. don't be gross.

Let me just say... That little cry? The little howl of disapproval a baby makes when she's brought from her dark, comfortable home into the bright, cold world? Best. sound. ever. (after coming home from the hospital? that sound now gives me a heart attack haha). I wanted to see her so bad!! But they took her off to the nursery, Shaun in tow, and left me to get all stitched up and put back together.

Oh dear. Time to feed little friend. There's not a ton left to tell, but I'll blog the rest later :)!