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Tuesday, February 21, 2017

The Perils of Fold-Over Yoga Pants



When I was in college, fold-over yoga pants were a staple in my wardrobe. You remember those, right? The yoga pants with the big flap of fabric at the top? Those stretchy pants of goodness were my *favorite* (much like my black Nike running leggings are my favorite now). I wore them every. single. day. 
Isn't my baby sister beautiful?? Goodness gracious.
This is what I looked like when this story took place.
I wasn't wearing yoga pants because we were at a nice family dinner.
So I wore jeans. Duh. Super fancy.

One day I was at institute (institute is a religion class for LDS kids who have graduated high school). 

Right after class, as everyone was filing out of the room, I stopped to talk to a group of boys (because I was boy crazy, remember?). I dropped something and it rolled behind me, so I quickly turned around to retrieve it...

As I bent over, I reached for the undershirt I was wearing and pulled it swiftly DOWN (to cover my spandex-clad bum. because *modesty*, hello.), and immediately realized something was VERY wrong. It turns out that I had not, in fact, grabbed the undershirt I was wearing. I HAD ACCIDENTALLY GRABBED THE BOTTOM OF MY FOLD-OVER YOGA PANTS...and had, yes, pulled them *swiftly* DOWN.

The combination of the pulling-down motion on the bottom of those blessed fold-over yoga pants and my bending over produced what can only be described as a FULL MOON, GUYS. AS A YOUNG ADULT. AT INSTITUTE. WHERE I WAS TRYING TO BE COOL AND SCORE DATES AND MAYBE GET MARRIED SOMEDAY.

I wasn't endowed back then, you guys. People saw things they can't ever un-see.

YEP.

Is that the only time I accidentally flashed people inappropriately? NOPE.

A couple years later, I had a migraine and went to the doctor for help. As luck would have it, my usual physician was out - so I got an appointment with a new doctor at the office. This particular doctor, it turns out, was SUPER hot. (Ugh. I hate that! STOP BEING ATTRACTIVE, MEDICAL PEOPLE. I DON'T FEEL WELL AND YOUR ATTRACTIVENESS IS STRESSING ME OUT.) Anyways.

He said I needed a shot, and that it would need to be in my bum. (seriously?? yep.) He left to get the medicine, and I sat there thinking, "DON'T BE AWKWARD. DON'T BE AWKWARD. DON'T BE AWKWARD. THIS IS NORMAL. THIS IS FINE. WE'RE ALL ADULTS HERE, STOP FEELING WEIRD.”

So, in order to make it LESS awkward, I got all prepped and ready. What did "prepped and ready" look like to me in my hazy, migraine state? Well, I took my pants off, for starters. Like, 100% off. No pants. I remember feeling like it was the reasonable, logical thing to do. I folded them neatly at the end of the table.

Then I stood up and leaned against the table in the position I imagined the doctor would need me to be in to give me a shot in the bum. THAT felt pretty awkward, but I was trying to just keep it professional and remind myself that doctors probably see people without pants on all the time and this is just no big deal.


So Dr. Hot walked back in and his response...hahaha...that's a moment I *WILL* rewind in the eternities.  I couldn't see him at first because - hello - I was facing the wall (waiting patiently for my shot. duh.) "OH!" he blustered. "Oh...ok. Wow. Umm...Ok..."I turned around and realized that he looked very much like he did NOT - in fact - often see people without their pants on in his office (laughing/crying emojis forever followed by embarrassed and skull emojis for forever). "You can definitely keep your pants on for this shot. I just need about a half inch of skin at the top of your hip...so..." :averting eyes: :looking uncomfortably around the room:

YOU GUYS.

I WANTED TO D.I.E.

I put my pants on, he gave me the shot, and I never went back to that office again. Not even to see my regular doctor. Haha. 

What's the point of this post?

The point, I guess, is that embarrassing things happen to all of us and you *can* and *will* recover from whatever your latest embarrassing situation is/was (even if the other people involved never do hahaha). 

I'm so pretty.
Was then. Am now.
Why am I single.
xo.


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