Monday, May 18, 2015

And then I peed on myself.

Once upon a time, I was called as ward choir director and I cried sad, scared tears right there in the office with nice Brother Powell. Also I told him NO. Like, 236 times. But somehow I ended up walking out of that office as ward choir director. (more details one blog post back)

A few weeks later, my Bishop told me that our ward had been selected to sing at Stake Conference.

We had three weeks to prepare.

Don't worry - we had about 7 people who were showing up to choir practice at that point. So.

I was freaking out.

By some kind of miracle (and the Bishop guilt-tripping the ward like bananas) we ended up with like 50 people in choir.

Kristina helped me pick out some music, my choir was sounding fab, and all was well.

The morning of Stake Conference, I chose a cute, lacy high-low dress to wear. I felt all MikaRose and fancy. (way to come through for me, Target!)

Right before our second number, I ran to the bathroom real quick. (anyone who knows me knows that I pee at LEAST a million times the day of performances. at Time Out for Women it gets especially ridiculous because I'm on and off stage so many times. I swear I need my own personal port-a-potty. ok, now I'm just getting gross. anyways.)

As I jumped up after using the facilities and rearranged myself, I realized something wet and slimy was clinging to the back of my legs…and I looked down in HORROR to see my HIGH LOW DRESS WAS DRIPPING.


I had FORGOTTEN about the LOW part of the dress…and it had dunked itself…into the toilet…

Cue me gagging and freaking out and trying to not scream as I jumped back and forth trying to keep the skirt from touching me. (this is a moment I will request to watch again in heaven. i'm sure i looked completely insane.)

My mind was racing - I didn't have time to go home and change, we were about to perform again! BUT I COULD NOT get up in front of the Stake with a dripping wet dress!!!! What on earth was I supposed to do?!!

In the seconds I had to think about it, I decided that the only option I had was to dry off as best I could with a paper towel, hold my head high and waltz back into the meeting as though I didn't smell like urine and look like I had fallen into a wading pool.

I went to the door of the meeting and waited for the speaker to sit down. He did.

I took a breath…closed my eyes…took a step into the room…

And the next speaker stood.

I couldn't believe it!! They had skipped the choir completely and had moved on!! GLORIOUS DAY!! Because the speaker just got up and started speaking, I had a few more minutes to go back to the bathroom and rinse/dry off ALMOST to the point that you couldn't tell the back of my skirt was wet. I also found some peppermint essential oil in my bag (I always keep it with me in case I find myself congested before a performance and don't want to take a decongestant that will dry me out too much!) and poured 90% of it on my skirt.

For the record - I can't believe I'm blogging about this. It's kind of like a humiliating journal entry that you pray no one ever EVER reads. I guess I find it oddly freeing to just tell embarrassing stories that make me want to die a little bit.

The second number was beautiful because my choir rocks.

So…the next time you find yourself in a horribly embarrassing situation and you're scrambling and not sure what to do - just know that you're not alone. It happens. Maybe blog about it. You might feel better.

PS I just remembered that I hung that dress back up in my closet instead of putting it in the hamper. Hahaha eeeww!!!! Dude. I need more sleep.

That is all.



Anonymous said...

Hilarious! You're not a true performer until you have at least a few horrifically embarrassing stories! (Okay, you are a true performer because you are a wonderful talented musician who puts on a great presentation.)

What a great story of a sweet tender mercy!

Shelli Elle said...

This made me laugh out loud. You are so darling. I hope we get a gag reel of our lives in heaven. :)

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