Monday, May 18, 2015
DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNN
It's been a while since I've had a calling (for anyone reading this who isn't familiar with the LDS faith - a 'calling' is a job your Bishop assigns you…a service, really, since no one gets paid). Between moving a few times and being in Utah where there are a million people in every ward and hardly ever making it to all three hours due to an extremely fussy child…it's just been a while.
When I was finally summoned to meet with a member of the bishopric, I was a little apprehensive. I knew the time had come and my days of no-calling laziness were over.
"We'd like to extend the call of ward choir director to you!" said Brother Powell enthusiastically.
::cue instantaneous tears and freaking out::
::from me, not him:::
I tried to explain to him that I'm not a professional musician. I sing. I love music and I write my own songs and I perform for lots of people and love it, but standing in front 20 people (many of whom have more formal training and education than I do in music) and teaching CHOIR music to them..?? THAT, my friends, is truly terrifying to me. What if I accidentally lead a whole note like a half note?? What if I confuse the C with the D or get lost and tell them the wrong measure or sound like an idiot because I'm pretty terrible at sight-reading?!? YOU GUYS. I was sweating and crying and generally being a crazy hot mess.
Somehow I left that meeting having agreed to be ward choir director. I'm not sure how that happened. I'm pretty sure I told him NO at least a dozen times.
((OK, Ok….I DO know how it happened. After crying for a minute, I remembered that callings aren't extended to the people who are the most talented or qualified; in fact, most of the time callings are given as opportunities to grow and learn and develop new skills. I needed a minute to remember to be humble, and to be thankful Heavenly Father was giving me a new way to stretch a gift He gave to me. Yes, it was still absolutely horrifying and I still get so nervous before choir practice that I feel like I might throw up - BUT! - I'm putting myself out there. I'm doing my best and giving it my all and I can at least feel good about that effort. God wants us to trust Him, to do things that might scare us in the name of growth, experience and development, and to let His approval be the approval we value most.))
They'll probably release me soon. Not kidding. Because I'm really not that good at it hahaha.
But I'll still be grateful for the opportunity, and I'm glad for the reminder that He is most important - more important than my pride, more important than my skill, more important than my fear.