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Wednesday, May 31, 2017

True Story

I have a plethora of embarrassing stories, you guys.

A PLETHORA.

("...do you know...what a 'plethora' is..?" - movie trivia!)

I like to share them with you because you seem to enjoy them and that makes me happy.

Ready for your next installment?

Here ya go:

Once upon a time I was asked to sing in stake conference. I was in my early twenties (not endowed) and I sang frequently for things like that...so I wasn't super worried about it.

Day of, however? Super nervous.

So nervous, in fact, that I found myself frantically fighting with the zipper on my pencil skirt in the bathroom just a few minutes before I was supposed to sing (much like my last-minute bathroom fiasco when I dunked my dress in the toilet right before leading stake choir - remember that little jewel of a tale?!). After hearing a little "pop!" from the general area of the zipper, I decided to forego the unzipping of said skirt and rushed out of the bathroom.

I tried to look nonchalant as I waltzed into the chapel and onto the stand.

I got up.

I sang.

I sat down.

I remember glancing over at my sister after I finished singing like I always do (she was accompanying me for that performance), and her face...it was super awkward. She looked like she really wanted to tell me something, but she was sitting at the piano and too far away for me to chit chat with. 'Did I sound bad or something..??' I wondered.

After the meeting, I got up and began making my way off the stand to say hi to people.

I felt my sister's hand on my arm and she began yanking me toward the side door - telling me to not talk to anyone and to just get out of there ASAP. I was SUPER confused at this point.

'What the heck, Kristina?! Why are you depriving me of the chance to say hi to everyone in the stake right now!? RUDE.' = inner me.

We got out to the parking lot and she breathlessly said something like,"CAN'T YOU FEEL THAT?!"

I'm sure my response was something witty like: "...[blank stare]..."

I can't remember if she pointed it out, or if I simply reached back and FELT FOR MYSELF what she was talking about...

...but...you guys...

that "pop!" I had heard in the bathroom...?

...the one that happened right before I wandered in to stake conference..?

...and down the aisle and up the stairs...and onto the stand...and in front of the stake presidency...?

Yeah. That was the sound of my zipper popping OPEN.

Popping open and revealing what can only be described as straight gluteus glory.

In plain sight of all the nice people who watched me waltz in late to that meeting.

At eye level of the poor men sitting behind me as I sang.

I honestly cringe at this story still. AHHHHHHHHHHHAKCMIENSIRNGSINLSZCLKZME.

So, so embarrassing.

ACK!!

OHHH IT'S JUST SO UNCOMFORTABLE.

But you KNOW WHAT?! I survived.

I survived unintentionally flashing an entire stake conference full of people including the leaders of my local congregation.

I'm even surviving the PTSD flashbacks that are washing over me as I type this haha. AAAAAAACK!!!

I hope that whatever embarrassing/awkward thing that's threatened to take you down recently feels a little less horrifying after reading my story.

If nothing else, you are not alone...and sometimes that's enough.



That is all.




xo.





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