Buddy the Elf, What's your favorite color?

So... my family is awesome.

I live in Utah and forget the cool things that my family does while I'm away. One of those things is sing. Everyone in Utah says they sing, so it kind of cancels out the cool factor when I consider myself a singer.

But then I come home and my family is seriously legit. We went to the temple a few nights ago and I got to sing a few with my family and then sit for the rest of the songs with all of the people that came down (just to see them sing!).

They sang Christmas songs for about an hour, in front of the temple. They have all of the lights up down there and a little musical program each night leading up to Christmas, and the 23rd was my fam. They are so good. It was awesome, and beautiful outside and the spirit was incredible.

Me and Calee after the show

Good thing her voice is prettier than her face in this picture.
She is so funny.

Anyway - it was a really fun way to get ready for Christmas! I am excited for Boog and Pickle to get down here in a few days! Then it will really be Christmas.

Rita Roasted

I'd like to dedicate this post to my awesome mom. She is the funniest person I know (in a completely accidental way) and I absolutely love her. Coming home for holidays is fun because everyone is at work all day and busy, but mom and I get to just chill at the house. I basically follow her around all day and laugh at the silly things she says and tell her that, yes, that necklace is cute, or yes, i like your new pants, or yes, your hair looks totally natural. And listen to her repeat the same story she just told me an hour ago, or yesterday, or last week on the phone. They are good stories - totally worth hearing a few times.

It is awesome.

Today was a killer example of why my mother is so hilarious. A lot of you know that she's been really sick lately, so she has a flippin pharmacy in the house with all the pain meds they have her on. I was up last night at 4:30ish (long story) and she just randomly walked into the room, wide awake, talking trash about me. "Dang it Kristina always leaves the freakin lights on! Oh hi Rae Rae Shmae Shmae."

We hung out for a while, and then went to sleep since we had to leave at 7 to go to her doctor's appointment. This is where my story really begins.

We get in the car, and she warns me that she just took a pain pill so she might be a little loopy. Talk about understatement of the century. She told me the same directions at least five times, after I had already done what she told me. "Okay, I just turned right on to 125 S. What's next?" "Go for five miles. Turn right onto 125 S." "Got it. Thanks mom. We'll get there in no time."

We get to the doctor's office and she goes off for like two straight minutes about how beautiful the christmas decorations are. Then the nurse gives her things to fill out and she is crackin jokes right and left. This is the conversation that ensued, amidst a variety of random inappropriate inside jokes that I'll omit for the safety of the innocent:

Mom: Hey, I'm putting you down as my contact.
Me: Okay.
Mom: What's your phone number?
Me: 76-
Mom: STOP. i know it. i know my daughter's phone number.
Me: Okay.
Mom: What is it?
Me: um.
Mom: I know! 581-4554. 4533. 3445! (full on shouting by the last number)
Me: 4535 mom. close.
Mom: I TOLD YOU I KNEW IT! hahahahahaha!!!
(Obviously the best joke ever told.)
Nurse in the corner: Laughing to herself
Mom: It's asking what our relationship is
Me: Okay.
Mom: PROBLEMATIC! HAHAHAHAHA! That's our relationship! Get it? Get it?


Seriously like full volume. I was crying laughing. She was cracking herself up. Then she flirted with the nurse named William for a while and called this body builder guy a wussy because he wanted meds. They asked her if the bed was comfortable and she literally fell directly backwards so her head was awkwardly tucked in the crease of the bed, and was like "yeah, super comfortable doc."

I'm not even kidding you right now.



Best morning of my life.

Things Happening This Week!

1. An insufferable amount of Mario Kart from tonight until Tuesday...Why Tuesday? Well, mostly because Cory & Kristina are the partakers in the Wii madness and on Tuesday...

2. Cory is taking a little Christmas haitus to his lovely, snowy hometown: Boise.

...I love the Bellistons, but I'm bummed that him & I are going to be apart on Christmas :(

*NOTE: This picture is deceiving. Boise is covered in a thick layer of freezing cold snow right now. Awesome.

3. Then Christmas. (-4 Schroeders.) (Well, technically I guess -3 Crandalls and -1 Schroeder.) (Anyways. It all equals CRAPPY in the end.)

Here's a picture of Kristina and I (the only Schroeder sisters that are going to be here) standing next to the Christmas tree. Enjoy.

3. After Christmas...we'll have the pleasure of hosting a ruddy old chap from England. He's quite a numpty. And I wish he'd GERROFF. I'm posting a picture in honor of his name.

4. After Jet comes, my sisters (HOPEFULLY) are coming! Brooke, please please please come. Please!!

Ok - Cory has decided to take a break from Mario Kart and so I'm stopping the bloggage...I was going to post a cute pic of the Schroeder girls...maybe later! :)

Cricket!

This is what my baby leopard gecko looks like & I love him dearly.

The end.

I don't care what they say

I'm in love with you.

Yep. Yep. It's True.

Hoping for Happiness

I got an email just now from a dear friend of mine, offering love and comfort and even a reference to an awesome talk given by Elder Uchtdorf in this last conference called The Infinite Power of Hope. (It's incredible - have a read.)

At first I felt silly for the tears that came to my eyes over a simple act of kindness, but then I realized that my friendships and even emotions are such blessings. I have been given so much - especially the last few months. I'm about to get mushy and religious, so if you are uninterested be warned.

I have wondered so much lately how people get through difficult times in life without the Gospel. Even knowing everything I know and feeling God's love so strongly, I have still had an unbelievably hard time. I think I reached a breaking point. That place where I literally had to fall to my knees and admit that I can't do it anymore. I needed help - somehow, even if in only ONE aspect of my life. I felt like I had 50 plates spinning and all of them were crashing.

And honestly, miracles started happening. I have learned incredible things about the Atonement and its ability to not only remove stain but also sorrow and sickness of heart. I know Christ lives and is very aware of me and my situation. It's been such a relief to step back and let Him take control of things. I'm just moving forward, trusting the fact that He's led me in good directions so far and will continue to.

One of my favorite EFY songs ever is called "Broken" by Kenneth Cope. You should look it up. It is my theme song lately. :) I really believe that the Lord can speak to our hearts a little bit easier when they are broken. Isn't that what he's looking for from us anyway? Broken hearts and contrite spirits. So really, I should be thanking those who broke my heart and helped me get to this point. It's all part of the plan.

This is a quote from Elder Uchtdorf's talk:

"Hope is a gift of the Spirit. It is a hope that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the power of His Resurrection, we shall be raised unto life eternal and this because of our faith in the Savior. This kind of hope is both a principle of promise as well as a commandment, and, as with all commandments, we have the responsibility to make it an active part of our lives and overcome the temptation to lose hope. Hope in our Heavenly Father’s merciful plan of happiness leads to peace, mercy, rejoicing, and gladness. The hope of salvation is like a protective helmet; it is the foundation of our faith and an anchor to our souls."

Hope is a gift, a promise and a commandment. I have felt a huge difference in my life from the moments I've allowed myself to lose hope and the other moments when I embrace it. I feel happy and light when I can step back and trust. I just say to myself "You know, there is absolutely nothing you can do about this except put on a smile, trust that Heavenly Father knows what He's doing and hope for a happier tomorrow than yesterday."

I hope we all can have happy tomorrows.

Actually let's have happy todays, shall we?

Wait, why aren't we dating them again?

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Alone, but Not Lonely

As normal and healed as I would like to pretend I am - I still have hard days. Sometimes I have really hard nights. It's easy to feel angry, but the hardest times are when I just feel pure and deep sadness. Grief, even. Dramatic, I know. But it's really how I feel - and the sting of it isn't any less real when I try to play it down.

Those moments come and go less frequently now and I really look forward to the day when they stop altogether. Or when I have someone there to comfort me through it.

But for now, I really am on my own.

I'm sure everyone has felt that way at one time or another. Thus our awesome church leaders have compiled talks and articles about loneliness and how to fight it.

Here are a few of my recent favorites. Enjoy.

Alone, but not lonely



We are not alone

Sorry Waggles

I'd like to apologize for my earlier comments. Calee is awesome and does not suck at all. Ever.

LOVE YOU.

I'm typing from my new laptop! Yay! I'm so so excited about it.

Just in case you wanted a brief rundown of my night...

1.My father and I sat together on the couch and watched bowling. When I say WE watched bowling, of course, I mean I sat here and tried to pay attention...while my brains were turning to crap (haha crap-for-brains)...as he explained the intricacies of bowling....

...Yes, they actually show bowling on TV.

...And my father Tivo's it....

2.I also participated in several entertaining conversations on Facebook chat. Thanks to everyone involved - you know who you are and I thank you for bringing laughter and joy into my life after bowling nearly sucked my entire soul out.

3. I wondered if Brooke hates her hair for a bit.

Things I'm currently thinking about:

Note to Rae: ...we shared some confessions tonight that need never be spoken aloud again. (Aloud means like never EVER again....typed, spoken, signed, telegraphed or otherwise...). One more for you this lovely evening - I didn't really pee my pants. I still have to pee though - it's starting to hurt, actually. Sorry for being so graphic. Feel free to edit this later. You thought it was so funny that I couldn't tell you in the moment :\ Sorry.

BLAST!! I keep deleting things as I type. Something I do on my new laptop makes everything get deleted...-sigh-

There. I blogged. Happy?

p.s. I love Blue October - look them up and love them

p.p.s. http://www.pandora.com/ <-- the best website for working in an office ever!!

p.p.p.s. I miss my sisters!! Come home and let's all be friends again :(

Calee

is about as good at posting on this blog as all of you are at commenting.


AKA TERRIBLE.


love you! :)

Blog happy, remember?

One more, then I'm done. I swear.

I just found this on my friend Lindsay's blog. Freaking hilarious.

Twilight Review

You twilight fans will either love it or hate it. I chose to love. My glass is half full lately, remember? So funny.

The part where she falls in the mud made me right laugh out loud. Oh man.

Now please, enjoy all 50 posts from the last two days. haha. :)

Reunions

I'm a little blog happy the last few days. Haha. :) Sorry friends.

I was in the temple today and it felt so nice. It made me realize how much I've missed going all the time. It also made me realize there have been a lot of really nice things about being single that I've reunited with lately, and it's been awesome.

So here is a list of things I have missed dearly, and I'm happy to have them back.

1. Temple Thursdays
2. Flirting
3. Eating just a sandwich for dinner
4. Reading
5. Going to my own ward each week
6. First Kisses
7. Going to bed early
8. Not having the TV on constantly
9. The sound of quiet
10. Hanging out with the roomies
11. Loud loud music
12. Playing the piano
13. Checking people out. haha!
14. Doing exactly what I want. All the time.
15. Going on dates
16. Spending money on myself
17. Being excited for business school
18. Being the center of attention sometimes (wow what is that like!)
19. Not worrying all the time
20. Feeling hot, funny, smart
21. Being able to be set up with friends' other hot friends
22. Not sitting at home on Friday nights
23. Talking about politics
24. Not going to the movies if I don't want to. Or doing anything if I don't want to.
25. Getting butterflies when you snuggle with someone
26. Starting a night with a stranger and ending it with a friend
27. Being known for me
28. Not having the boy I'm with leave at ten.
29. Meeting random people at random places. Who knows what could happen?
30. Playing with missionaries who are home now

I can keep going, I'm sure. Isn't it fun to think of those things? It made me have a good day. I keep finding new ones and just feeling that little happy feeling in my heart. The Lord is good to me.

Because it's funny to me

Okay for the best effect, turn on "Gone Daddy Gone" by Gnarls Barkley.

Ready? Go.

Dill Pickle

DarBear.

CP. Seeps.

Juh.

Janimal.

Hahaha!!

Who's next?

Oh, I found him.

Yum. Yes please.

Bitter - and happy about it

I've always been the kind of person that gives others the benefit of the doubt. Especially people I love. I think it's easier to trust someone than to not trust, at least until they've done something that deserves change on your part. Why assume someone is lying? If they do end up lying, that is their fault for being dishonest rather than yours for believing them.

Stupid way to think? Normal? I don't know. It's just the way I am and have been.

It's gotten to the point lately, however, that rather than place the blame on someone else, I'll carry it on my shoulders. Well if I had done this differently, or that. Maybe he was driven to do this, I didn't really leave a choice in the matter... blah blah. I have found myself over-analyzing things again and again just so I can find some kind of noble explanation for his actions that seem terrible on the outside but can't possibly really be that way... right?

WRONG.

I've reached a new mental ground. It seems weird that this would be hard, but it's the truth. It's taken work for me to let go of the hope of the person he could be. Just because someone has that potential doesn't mean that's what they are. People have agency. If they make bad choices, it doesn't matter how far they CAN go, because they just won't. No matter how much you wish they would.

I have been wronged, and that's okay. I'm angry and irritated and frustrated at the unfairness of his choices, and it's refreshing. I think it is a necessary part of the healing process to feel anger and place blame where blame is due. The only thing I can be faulted for is that I loved too much, too blindly. Gave too much of myself to something that wasn't real.

And you know what? It feels nice. I did what I could. I am not the one with the problem here. I'm not the one who should be apologizing or trying to change. I did what I could and I'm content to close the door, end the story on that note.

It's like a breath of fresh air.

And I'm not going to let it stop me from trusting again in the future. Trusting him? You bet your schroeder-sized booty that that won't happen. But trusting others that come into my life? I think it will come fairly easily. And one day I'll find someone who deserves it.