Who am I?!

I went longboarding last night. This might not seem so weird to anyone else, but I felt a little silly about it since I usually poke fun at the stereotypical surfer-skater-California image that is conjured when longboarding is brought up. And when I say I 'went longboarding' I mean that I was forced onto someone else's board, and pushed down the street flailing and screaming while feeling like I was going to die.

Ya know what, though?

I DIDN'T die. Shocking!

AND I rode it by myself after a few pushes! Then I carved! AND I enjoyed it! A LOT! Haha how odd to think how many things I'd really enjoy if only I were brave/available enough to seek out the opportunities to try...

Sooo I'm getting a longboard. Yep. I'll probably suck for a while longer, but I'm excited to do something new :) haha - who knows, I'll probably suck forever. watch me not care!

I'm also going surfing with an old friend on Friday. Haha WHO AM I?? It's amazing what things I seek out when I'm trying my hardest to stay distracted....!

So if you feel like longboarding (or surfing. or painting. or making pottery, going to dinner, watching a movie, knitting a sweater, baking cookies, going hiking/camping, watching meteor showers, etc...) with me, let me know :) I'm in.

*love to zac, jeremy, emily, drew, and amber for making this post possible.*

Eye to Eye

Hey Friends -

I have a question, and I'm hoping the blog-world can answer. Will you comment or email me at kristinaschro@gmail.com with any tips/advice/contacts?

As you know, I'm doing a bit of soul-searching lately. My latest discovery is the world of Optometry. I'm really thinking about moving into that realm.

Pros:
- I think I would be good at it
- It uses the science part of my brain, which I really love and it has been so squashed lately with this whole business school business
- It is a low-stress job
- I would get to be helping people
- It pays well
- I can be a doctor and help people feel better without the blood and gross

Cons:
- I would have to go back to school to do a ton of pre-reqs (1.5 years)
- I would then have to go to the doctorate program for 4 years
- With application processes, that brings the grand total to about 6 years until I graduate
- It is really expensive, like most school

I don't know a ton of information about it - just what I've been able to learn online and from various optometry school websites. I'd love to talk to someone who actually knows. Does anyone out there know an optometrist that I could talk to? Maybe get some hints and advice?

It's exciting to think about a big career change like that, but it scares me to think about making such a drastic move and such a long commitment when I don't even know what's happening to me tomorrow, let alone in six years. Scary.

Anyway. I would love advice. From anyone, but especially from an optometrist. Does anyone have a good contact for me?

Thanks blog world.

Frustration.

WARNING: I am about to vent. Blow some steam. Whatever you want to call it. And if you don't want to read about it, then move on.

Everyone else ready? Let's do this.

I.am.frustrated. I don't think there are many things more frustrating than people saying untrue, negative things about you (well, me.) (or you.) (whoever.). Listen, I know that you can't let what lame people say dictate how you feel (like, by getting super frustrated...haha), but sometimes it's just one low-blow too far!! One of the perpetuating issues is that I currently live in an area full of young, slightly dramatic singles who tend to think they know everything about everyone and have no problem wagging their sharp little tongues about it. Look, if I haven't talked to YOU personally about it, then stop assuming you know about it. Isn't it common sense to keep your trap shut about things you know nothing about?? Especially when the things you're saying could potentially get back to the people in question and really hurt their feelings?! Even if you DO know something about it, why would you say mean things about a situation that is tender and sensitive for someone else? 'It's not mean, it's true' is not a valid excuse if it's something negative about the person's character that you wouldn't say to that person's face. And I'd love to see you say the things you've said to my face. Bring it.

What am I?? ROCK?? If you drop me, do I not break?? If you moisten me, do I not grow moss?? (haha Disney reference!)...wow. I guess I'm not in such a bad mood since I keep having to delete jokes that have been making their way into my rant. I'm leaving that one in case someone gets my random movie trivia.

Anyways. Moral of the story: even if you're talking about someone who you think couldn't give two craps about you or what you think, you're probably wrong. Look at me. I apparently give more than two craps. And you hurt my feelings. Happy? NOW STOP.TALKING.CRAP.

thanks.

I LOVE

quarters
books I can't put down
sunrises
viva la juicy
lipgloss
BBQ
laughing
good beats
agua
the beach
singing
finding friends
making lists instead of blogging like a normal person
oatmeal butterscotch cookies
Tucker eating broccoli, grapes, and watermelon - but not popcorn
feeling precious
hard sleep after hard workouts
intelligent conversation
stargazing
progress
lips.smile.eyes.love.
butterflies
hope
hope
hope.

<3 Me

Brooke sucks.

Brooke and I just had a conversation on the phone while I was upstairs and she was downstairs. We were discussing whether or not we actually wanted to go to the gym, and decided that since we were both too lazy to actually walk up or down the stairs to have this conversation in person - that meant we shouldn't go.

So we are making food instead. I looked up recipes online and found a stuffed bell pepper recipe that I want to try. We were reading the comments (since we all know that's the best way to find out if an online recipe is any good) and found this little nugget:

Enjoy.

I wish I could...

-leave work and lay on the beach all day today
-get my visa and go to the UK again
-be brave/reckless/spontaneous enough to quit my job and not look back
-finish school before the end of the year
-figure out how to feel what I WANT to feel, instead of feeling what comes naturally.
-go pick up my truck from the shop this afternoon and NOT cringe at the bill...
-eat chicken mcnuggets and french fries without the guilt (and the curiosity about what a 'nugget' really is...)
-move-out without feeling like I'm wasting money
-write music that I want to write instead of having to consider what's best for the project
-do hair AND make the same paycheck I make now :)
-feel beautiful without doing my hair and make-up (not just 'pretty' or 'decent', but beautiful)
-laugh at my residents they call me with ridiculous complaints (see: 'my lights are dirty, can you come clean them?', 'I have this stain on my carpet that I am really upset about' (<--the carpet was BRAND new when they moved in), 'I'm not going to pay my rent this month. Can I just get it to you next month?')
-laugh even harder when my residents call me with legitimate complaints (see: 'There are mushrooms growing out of my carpet!', 'My front doorknob fell off...and I can't get out of my apartment.', 'Someone stole my trash cans...', or 'I'm stuck inside my garage! Help!') <--how have I kept a straight face, you ask? I honestly have no idea...
-feel happy for people I care about even when what's making them happy makes me so, so sad
-run as far, as fast, and as long as Tucker can
-live in King's Canyon
-spend more time with my whole family
-be on the same page, at the same time, with him/the one I'm supposed to be with.
-make it right

I'm going to see Fiddler on the Roof, and Wicked (8th row seats!). I'm going to New York in August. I'm going to have an amazing weekend in Utah starting Friday! I'm going camping on the beach, to San Fransisco in a few weeks, and Seattle in September.

...why do I feel unfulfilled...? ...anyone?...

What I did tonight

Wipeout

A CASTING SEARCH IS UNDERWAY TO FIND DYNAMIC MEN & WOMEN TO PARTICIPATE IN A ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY! $50,000 PRIZE

World famous reality television producer Endemol USA (that brought you Fear Factor, and Deal or No Deal,) is casting more episodes of the television hit WIPEOUT. In each episode, 24 contestants compete to win $50,000 while conquering the world's largest obstacle course.

You don't need to be an athlete to participate.

SEEKING:
• MEN AND WOMEN over 18 years of age.
• Legal residents of the U.S.
• Must be able to swim.
• Fun, strong-willed, outgoing, and have a great sense of humor.


To: Wipeout Casting

Names: Jan Jorgensen (boyfriend) and Kristina Schroeder (girlfriend)
Email: kristinaschro@gmail.com and jorgensenjan02@gmail.com
Occupations: Student and Piano Teacher

Jan thinks he's the ultimate athlete, so he wants to win. I, personally, am excited to see him doggie-paddle through the water after he realizes that athleticism has nothing to do with Wipeout (swimming isn't the strong point of anyone over 250 lbs). He thinks I am totally uncoordinated, but I think Wipeout is a perfect place to prove him wrong. Plus, he loves big balls.

We really do want to do this. We think it will be a relationship-building experience. Or he'll never talk to me again if I win. Which is fine because I'll have $50,000.

Call us!



... Sent!

Awkward

I am so awkward.

I used to always joke that I just lucked out and never had to go through an awkward stage - but I think I am totally going through it at 22.

In high school and my freshman/sophomore year of college I was quite the social butterfly. I had a million things going on in my life with school, work, cheer, student government, baseball, AP classes, early morning seminary, etc. etc. but somehow found a way to have a ton of friends and constantly meet new people.

My freshman year I met my awesome roommates and was with them all the time, but every night we were meeting new people and going on dates with different boys all the time. We met everyone, could talk to anyone, were constantly surrounded by a ton of people, etc.

What I'm trying to say is that compared to then, I am now so completely totally weirdly moronically stupidly horribly fully and no deny-ingly socially AWKWARD. I hate it! I don't know what it is, but in a work environment or something, I have no problems talking to new people. But hanging out with Jan's friends, or seeing other people that I haven't talked to in a long time or doing some big group social provo-ite thing - I just turn so weird! I have absolutely nothing to say, so then I try to think of things to say, but then it is so forced, but then I don't want to be forced so I just don't say anything, but then I'm too quiet... adga;lkawjeghi!!!!

I'm sure a big part of it is that my girlfriends are all gone, so my security blanket that I've had the last 4 years is gone as well. But even when I'm with Jan, I still get so awkward around people. It is so bizarre and not like me at all.

Anyway - what I'm trying to say is - if I have turned into this weird psycho-freak around you lately, it's probably because I'm recognizing this side of myself more and more and I am completely mortified by it. I probably really do care and really do want to talk to you - but I just am 12 years old and don't have the social depth to accomplish that.

It's okay, I'll grow out of it.

... right?

Simple Pleasures...

There are steps outside my office where, in the first couple hours of work, the shade from the roof creates the perfect spot to sit and enjoy being outside. Today, as I watched a chubby bumble bee bounce through the flowers across from me, I felt the need to express thanks for all the many simple things I have to be happy about. Here are some that I'm thankful for today:

*the way the sun turns my skin carmel-brown in the summer
*how pretty turquoise anklets look against that carmel colored skin :)
*little treats that are always accessible - like a cold can of Diet Dr. Pepper, pina colada and strawberry Creme Savers, chocolate-dipped walnut and vanilla ice cream bars at Costco (for only $1.35!), fruit & nut granola bars from the vending machine, or cranberry zinger herbal tea.
*the gym. frustration, sadness, emptiness, and regret are temporarily obliterated by weights, crunches, and 6.5 on the treadmill until my brain and body won't go anymore.
*change. instigated by myself, aided by books, people more wise and experienced than myself, and supported by my Heavenly Father.
*playlists. thank heaven for songs like Love is a Battlefield, Put Your Records On, Don't Trust Me (haha am I allowed to thank heaven for that one...?), Airforce Ones, Caribou Lou, Strange (woot Reba!), Realize (even though it kills me), Sun Child (please listen to The Vines self-titled album. love love love it.)...
*making someone laugh. hard.
*finding someone or something purely and genuinely hilarious. and laughing out loud with absolutely no reservations. (see: Bon Qui Qui, Business Time, Demitri Martin, Brian Regan, Kaelani/Nigel/Hakim and Big Sexy in general, Brooke, Taylen's crazy antics and the way Nikki tells the stories, Jan Jorgensen [especially in conjunction with Kristina] <--he is surprisingly hilarious...)
*piano. don't get me wrong, I suck at it. but I love waking up early in the mornings and practicing. something about the way the sun streams through the wood blinds onto the piano...there's a certian magic inherint in the creation process. I love playing and singing. someday I'll do it in front of people.
*writing music. I've had such a great opportunity to work with an old friend and producer on a new rock-pop project. it's incredibly cathardic.
*love. my mom saved me yesterday from a commitment I had that I just didn't think I could handle...I was so thankful for that. soft words from friends when I cry. loving advice, shoulders to lay my head on, sweet encouraging texts from my sisters and friends. love love.
*certainty. I struggled with the same question for the last year and a half. I was just so unsure. but I know the answer now. and regardless of how hard it is, I'm thankful to know at last what the answer is. I'm convinced that there was no other way for me (in all my hard-headedness) to be sure. God blessed this broken road. now I just have to keep moving. chin up.

Now I'm going to enjoy another simple pleasure - left-over, cold pizza with a good friend :)

It's summer. And the gospel is true. Be thankful :)

p.s. Miley Cyrus is ridiculous - but I love The Climb. such a good song. even if she's ridiculous. the end.

Just a little update...

I haven't blogged in forever it feels like...and I'm sitting at work trying to find reasons to not leave early - so here's a little update for anyone who wanted to know:

I'm still working at Ventana (an apartment complex in RB). I'm still taking classes through Ashford (yay for education!). I still have Tucker. I still have my truck. I still go to Palomar singles ward (someday I'll graduate. even if it takes me another 6 years...). I still want to go to England again - but the visa situation with the UK hasn't changed yet (fingers crossed...). I'm still in love with a boy who doesn't want to date me anymore. TMI? Oh well. I may or may not cry about it. A lot. I'm working on it.

I want to send a shout out to all my married friends who may take their spouses for granted. Be so happy that you're out of the dating game. It sucks so bad sometimes. Scratch that - most of the time. So, be thankful for your husband or wife...because even if he leaves the toilet seat up, or if she doesn't clean up as frequently as you'd like, or if he leaves his stinky socks on your bedroom floor, or if she whines about feeling pudgy and still eats that last brownie...you still have him or her. And you know they love you. And you don't have to feel rejected if someone doesn't call after that first date, or feel nervous about never finding someone, or feel depressed about being alone. Or feel even MORE depressed about having perfectly wonderful people wanting to date you and being infuriatingly unable to get rid of feelings for someone who doesn't feel the same. Go give your spouse kiss, and feel lucky. And put the brownie down.

I think I haven't been blogging because I don't want to burden my fellow bloggers with the less-than-cheerful thoughts clattering around in me. But... I feel a little bit better now than I did when I started typing. And it's 5. And I didn't leave early. And I'm not crying. This is a win in my book.

Thanks for listening.

New Beginnings

Everyone breathe a sigh of relief with me!

*whew*

I have been struggling a lot lately with some big decisions, and have made quite a few of them this week. Want to hear?

1. I put in notice to my job - I'm finished at ClientRunner.
2. I decided to move to San Diego this Fall.
3. I committed to teach piano starting in September at a little studio down there.
4. I am no longer planning on going to business school and getting my MBA anytime soon.

Wow! Pretty big, right?

Decisions I still need to make:

1. When I'm actually moving
2. What I want to get my Master's in
3. Where I want to go for school
4. What the mink is happening with Jan during all of this

I am really excited, just thinking about all of this. After I didn't get into Oxford, I had to come to the hard realization that I won't be able to go to business school (at least to any of the programs I want) for at least 2 or 3 years. It's so frustrating to think of that!

I've felt a lot lately like my life is on hold, and I am excited to say that I am no longer waiting for things to happen to me. I'm just going to start doing. Woo!

So because of that, I want to change my direction and decide on a program that lets me go to school right away (or next fall at the latest), and once I graduate I'm qualified for something. That way I can start working immediately, doing something I like, and even after my kids are gone I can just start once again. With business, there is so much building up/experience-gaining that needs to take place in order to be successful, and I would have to just start over again once my kids are gone. It just doesn't fit in with my other life plans.

So options I'm thinking about but don't know much about?
1. Physician's Assistant
2. Health Administration
3. Education Administration (This one is in the lead right now.)

And a few others I've already crossed off the list. I'm trying to come up with other options that would fit the whole "School now, be certified and can work even after a kid break" mentality.

Pretty exciting, right?

I think so, too. I'm ready to not be the sprout anymore, waiting to grow. Let's just get on with it!

P.S. Yes, I am teaching piano, and YES, I would love to teach your child and your friend's children and anyone else you know that wants to learn! We are starting the first week of September, and so any and all references you can give me would be awesome! I'm ready to start building up the students. Email me at kristinaschro@gmail.com or leave a comment if you or anyone you know might be interested.

PLUG!

Night Owl

It is really late.

My parents are about an hour away, Calee is a few more hours away, and Nikki and the girls get here tomorrow afternoon. And we are all staying right here, in my apartment.

Do you know what I should be doing right now? Cleaning everything.

Do you know what I am doing right now? Blogging. Writing in my journal. Watching Ace of Cakes. Basically anything besides cleaning.

Have you ever been so tired emotionally that you can feel it in your bones? That's where I am.

And do you know what I do when my bones are tired?


I go to bed and hope my family won't judge me for not having things ready for them.