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Friday, July 17, 2009

Awkward

I am so awkward.

I used to always joke that I just lucked out and never had to go through an awkward stage - but I think I am totally going through it at 22.

In high school and my freshman/sophomore year of college I was quite the social butterfly. I had a million things going on in my life with school, work, cheer, student government, baseball, AP classes, early morning seminary, etc. etc. but somehow found a way to have a ton of friends and constantly meet new people.

My freshman year I met my awesome roommates and was with them all the time, but every night we were meeting new people and going on dates with different boys all the time. We met everyone, could talk to anyone, were constantly surrounded by a ton of people, etc.

What I'm trying to say is that compared to then, I am now so completely totally weirdly moronically stupidly horribly fully and no deny-ingly socially AWKWARD. I hate it! I don't know what it is, but in a work environment or something, I have no problems talking to new people. But hanging out with Jan's friends, or seeing other people that I haven't talked to in a long time or doing some big group social provo-ite thing - I just turn so weird! I have absolutely nothing to say, so then I try to think of things to say, but then it is so forced, but then I don't want to be forced so I just don't say anything, but then I'm too quiet... adga;lkawjeghi!!!!

I'm sure a big part of it is that my girlfriends are all gone, so my security blanket that I've had the last 4 years is gone as well. But even when I'm with Jan, I still get so awkward around people. It is so bizarre and not like me at all.

Anyway - what I'm trying to say is - if I have turned into this weird psycho-freak around you lately, it's probably because I'm recognizing this side of myself more and more and I am completely mortified by it. I probably really do care and really do want to talk to you - but I just am 12 years old and don't have the social depth to accomplish that.

It's okay, I'll grow out of it.

... right?

3 comments :

SuperScott597 said...

Hahaha! You're the best. I love the drawing. I grew up in that awkward stage. So glad to be rid of it. Have hope. Knowing you, it'll pass as soon as you get back to SD. ;)

Nikki said...

Your security blanket isn't gone. I'm pretty sure I just saw it in your bed last weekend.

Literally...

:)

Rachel said...

Prepare for some growing pains. One thing I noticed is when a relationship works the two of you compliment each other. You bring out the best in one another and make the other feel at ease. Notify Jan of your awkwardness and allow him to help you "warm up" to HIS social gatherings. Those are his friends. You don't want to say the wrong thing and have them think the wrong thing. I remember when I started going to Jesse's fire fighter parties. WEIRD! And I can talk to anybody. It took some time. It will work and if it's not, well... you won't be 12 forever.

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