Update

I was so happy this morning, dancing around my room to Miley Cyrus and Blue October, until I thought about you. Then I felt frustrated and sad and bothered.

Everything is alright as far as my last post goes - ultrasound & business - so don't worry your pretty little heads over it.

Moral of the story: I'm going to listen to Ryan Innes (have you heard?! do yourself a favor www.ryaninnes.com <--you'll thank me) and feel happy & dance around again. No more frustrating, sad, or bothered thoughts. I'm too cute for all that mess. I'm too cute for you.

Love love loves.

P.S. This Sunday we're inviting all ex- or current voice students (children's chorus or otherwise) to come sing for Mom at 5pm. Her health is continuing to decline, so please come sing for her and let's give back a part of the gift she's given to us. For details - email CarolingForRita@gmail.com.

Weird

this picture has nothing to do with the post. wasn't he a cute puppy, though??! flip I love him.

I'm going to Kaiser today for an ultrasound. Weird, right? I mean, shouldn't I be pregnant before getting an ultrasound? Irony may or may not be throwing things in my face lately. Boo.

I had a nightmare last night about said ultrasound. I was full of dinosaur eggs. Haha.

Extinct-reptile-egg-filled-business aside, it should be a pretty routine ultrasound (I guess??).
According to my doctor, they just need to see a few things that are on my insides - so they're going to go look around with their sweet machinery. Nooo big deal.
...unless they find Barney babies in there...in which case it would be a huge deal...

So why am I still nervous? Maybe I can talk Tucker into coming with me...

I know you're all just DYING to know what happens, so I'll make sure I update you upon returning from Mission Gorge (groooooooossssss drive, right?! ick).

Ludo. Down.

It just hit me that I haven't even announced my newest best friend to the world yet. And he has been my best friend for almost two months now. Terrible.

I think I was waiting until he stopped pooping on the floor so I could really say he is the world's most perfect freak-alien-dog. But seeing as that hasn't happened yet, he will instead be the world's most perfect freak-alien-dog who poops on the carpet like a very naughty freak-alien. And yaps, nay, squawks, every time I leave the room. And never can figure out how to put his tongue all the way in his mouth. And has defied the laws of nature by somehow finding a way to have a stinkier beard than Tucker.




Although they had a rocky start and still get their feelings hurt sometimes, they are almost best friends. But since neither of them have their manhood and dogs are technically man's best friend... Poor dogs. Only half-men. Ludo still has his stitches in from that awful day. And probably nightmares. And he has to wear this:



It's all very disheartening for the poor pup.

But he is still my favorite and licks my face and growls like a cat purring and only falls off the bed sometimes.






Oohhhhh little lulu!! I love you, you little freak.

Kristina

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Craigslist shmaigslist

Know how Kyle sold his movies and put the money in the Mom-iPad-fund like the sweetest sweet tart in the land?

Well we decided in our brilliant minds that we would continue to grow the iPad fund by wisely investing in a bunch of iPhones from craigslist and then fancy them up with my hacker-loving-abilities and then sell them on eBay for hopefully a little more than we got them. Voilà. iPad for the sick mom.

Genius!

Except not genius at all.

Kyle found a 3Gs for $275 and we were so excited until we found out he was an hour away in El Cajon. Boo! But worth it. So Kryle haggled him down to $260 and made the drive. (Btw - why do we haggle for like ten dollars? Just for the thrill of it? Or because we like spending money if the amount was our idea instead of theirs? Or we just like to argue with people? Curious.)

Sweet, kind, loving, handsome Kyle then did a not so brilliant, genius, bright, smart thing and handed over the money to the kid even though the phone was in recovery mode. Meaning you have to plug it into iTunes to make it work.

And also meaning we didn't realize it was really a 3G not a 3Gs and we had been ripped off until after he got to Escondido and the kid had probably spent the cash already. Haha. Oops.

We tried to text/call him and say it was an honest mistake and let's just trade back again... No response. We email the link from craigslist... No response. Of course not. Little punk.

By this time (about two hours later) Kyle is truly dejected, and I'm feeling very sad for him. So I bust out my aforementioned hacker skills and find out info about this kid. It takes me a few hours and quite a bit of trickery and online searching, but I find the sneaky thief's first and last name, high school, brother's name, brother's place of employment, and FINALLY, in spite of every privacy precaution possible, his Facebook.

So I quickly change my profile picture from one of me and Kyle to one of just me, and add him as a friend, crossing my fingers that my cute-girl-ness wins over my random-stranger-ness. And it did. He added me within the hour.

He has creepy pictures holding guns and stuff, kind of terrifying. But we fb chatted him, started out nice, ended telling him we would call the police if he didn't meet us for a refund. He blocked me. Kyle left a terrifying legalese-filled voicemail on his phone. He got scared and promptly came back on and said sorry, he'd meet us the next day. I stupidly tried to be nice and say we could leave it jailbroken/unlocked it for him if he wanted. We thought all was well. See you tomorrow.

Kyle gets a message from shady thief's sister the next morning saying our jailbreaking it is illegal and voided the warranty so we aren't getting our money back.

Kyle's response: (skip this paragraph if you're easily bored)
"Either you or your sister or parents can call me back, but here's the deal. I'm entirely within my rights right now. Searching public records is not illegal, jailbreaking is not illegal and even if it was I just called apple and your warranty is expired anyway- and even if it was a factory restore- which we did- will erase any evidence of one, and calling and complaining about a breached contract is not illegal. We were looking around craigslist yesterday and found that you've had that phone up for a while. It was originally described as a 3G, but later you advertised it as a 3GS, which tells me that you knew exactly what it was. Now larceny is a crime involving the wrongful acquisition of the personal property of another person. Through fraud and misrepresentation you came in the wrongful possession of my $260- which is not protected by the risks generally associated with craigslist. I've never called the Nonemergency police line to report fraud, but like I said I'm a law student, and i'm not above doing it, and I'm curious to see how the process works. My offer still stands, I can be
at the Wal-Mart at 12, if you're there we'll consider it a miscommunication and no harm is done. If not, we'll take the legal route and the protections craigslist offers against scammers. Should I plan on being there or not?"

(oh, please. law school much?)

...no response.

Ugh. Are you over this story yet? Us, too. Kyle filed police reports today but that's it. The end. We got ripped off by a stupid kid and there isn't anything else we can do. Even though we know exactly who he is. And Kyle learned to not trust people on Craigslist, and check it before you pay. And D-Bag McGee learned at 16 years old that you can lie and steal from people and get away with it. And have your older sister enable you. FAIL.

Well guess what?

HIS NAME IS MARTIN BUT HE SELLS THINGS ONLINE UNDER THE NAME TONY. HIS PHONE NUMBER ON CRAIGSLIST IS (619) 249-9132. HE LIED TO US AND STOLE OUR MONEY.

There. Maybe the next time someone tries to google his name/number after he rips them off, they will have an easier time getting a hold of him. If you are one of those people, email me and I will give you the other info I have.

You're welcome, universe. I hate you, thief/Martin/Tony.

...anyone want an iPhone 3G? Yeah me neither.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:The hospital. Where else?

Breakfast?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Crazy Old Man & An Angel Named Antonio

Hi, friends. Been a while, yeah? Yeah. I've been avoiding blogging on purpose because I doubt my frustrations would come out as cute as Kristina's last post. And I have no happy picture with a boy who loves and takes care of me to put at the bottom. Therefore, I've spared you. You're welcome.

I do have a couple stories, though. Want to hear them..? Ok. But only because you asked so nicely.

A couple days ago a lady BURST into my office with arms waving and SCREAMED, "I NEED SOMEONE TO COME OUTSIDE WITH ME RIGHT NOW! I NEED A WITNESS!"

I was in the back office and thought to myself,"...wtf?"

"There's a man EXPOSING HIMSELF out here and PEEING on the SIDEWALK!" she screamed.

I have to admit, I laughed. This is my life, people. Mom in the hospital dealing with everything that could go wrong under the sun, boyfriend of a year dumps me for greener pastures at BYU-I right in the middle of it, my dog has the worst gas in American and insists on sleeping with his otherwise cute and inoffensive rear end pointed directly at my face - and now I have to go deal with a random dude who felt like taking a whiz on the sidewalk.

As I walked outside and turned the corner I could see an older man with his pants undone, belt flopping in the breeze, doing a skip/hop/run away from the puddle he left on the ground (I guess the sound of the door startled him and he figured he could make his escape unnoticed by just running off with his pants down...?). I laughed again.

I assured the lady I'd get to the bottom of it, figured out who he was (thanks Margie at the Rec Center [<--where he tried to hide from me!]) and wrote the HOA a very concerned email. I guess this guy has peed several times like this in our VERY nice, private gated community in Rancho Bernardo. I can't believe there haven't been mobs of outraged housewives and their doctor/engineer/accountant businessmen husbands calling for blood over it. I mean...these people raise hell when a lightbulb goes out for crying out loud?? Whatever.

Second story. I'll make this one shorter, I promise. (I always get frustrated when I'm reading some gnarly long blog and there are no pictures. Believe me, I wish I had snapped a shot of the old guy running away for you - but, alas, I was ill prepared.)

I broke a drawer in the kitchen. I actually kind of ripped it to shreds, but I'm pretty sure I blacked out before it happened so the details are a bit hazy. I was upset (understatement) and when I shut the drawer politely the first time it bounced back open at me. After screaming at it for at least a straight minute (haha I swear I don't usually do that), I slammed it shut to show it who's boss. It had the GALL to bounce back open again. (Physics, you say??? YOU DIDN'T SEE THE LOOK IT WAS GIVING ME). So I slammed it again and again - this time I had no intention of shutting it, but punishing it - and when I regained my senses it was in several pieces in my hands. Then I cried for about an hour.

By the way, does anyone want to set me up with their brothers after reading this...? Thought so.

Anyways. I called Dad, bawling my eyes out (which luckily won me the sympathy card instead of a huge lecture). Fast forward to yesterday. I've been trying to fix it, but I'm absolutely unable. No glue was doing to undo the damage I did to that drawer. Especially since the only kind I readily have available to me at the house is a glue stick or glitter Elmer's glue. I even tried to petition my maintenance supervisor at work to fix it for me - BUT he's been out for a week with bronchitis and now walking pneumonia...so...boo.

I finally went to Home Depot, fully expecting to walk around for at least an hour trying to find someone to listen to my story and take pity on me. I wasn't above flirting at that point, people. That's how desperate the situation was. After walking around for 30 minutes asking every person I could find for help (even people who didn't work there but who looked like they might've murdered an innocent drawer or two in their lifetimes) I finally came upon Antonio.

Antonio took the drawer, went straight back to the lumber department, identified the wood, cut the wood, took out the screws from the shredded mess I handed him and put everything back together. In 15 minutes. And it cost me $2.00. And I almost started crying for joy. ANTONIO! You SAVED me!! This guy went out of his way to help someone when he really didn't have to. He could've just showed me where the wood was and left me there. BUT he didn't.

I tried to tell him how grateful I was, but he just looked at me like I was starting to freak him out. I wanted to tell him how stressed out I've been and how I don't have a boy in my life to ask for help anymore and how my mom's in the hospital and I broke the drawer because I was having a break down and how I'm going to pray for his health and success every night for the rest of my life because he was so nice to me when he didn't have to be. And now I'm sitting here crying again as I'm typing all of this because I feel so grateful that there are people out there who are willing to help.

So, that's all. Those are my two stories for today. Maybe I'll blog again and tell you about me chasing Ludo down the street with wearing pajamas that were absolutely unfit for public consumption, or my new love 26, or how we all almost died last night from gas inhalation. Sound good? Maybe if you're lucky I will.

And now I'm going to be late for work because I'm sitting on the couch in my pajamas blogging with my gassy dog (who is trying to cuddle me to death) instead of getting ready for work. Meh. I have five minutes. Ready? Go.

Things I hate

Cancer
Bugs
Scorpions
Sweating
Tumors
Hospital cleaner smell
The weird techno-music brooke listens to
Plastic hospital pillows
Nurses who roll their eyes
The elevator that's long enough for a gurney
The cafeteria guy who knows my name
Going through the ER entrance and seeing all of the sad people
Everyone in the hospital who doesn't have a visitor
That nurse who wouldn't let us take up the flowers
IV wires
Walking past the ICU to get to her room
All of the happy people going up to the maternity ward. I'm terrible.
The CNA's who wake her up in the middle of the night to take her vitals
The green button on the PCA
Dog poop on the carpet
Chemotherapy
Laundry
My dad's bird
Car insurance
Bill collectors
Books that have to ruin things by saying the F word
Immodest clothes
Kyle's Listerine toothpaste
Tucker's sad face when I leave
Mean nurses
Weeds
Nerve pain
That guy who killed Chelsea and Amber
That guy who shot the Bishop in Visalia
Bills
Cars with no air conditioning
When my favorite pants get a hole
Blood clots
Glasses
Broken plans
Not having my own place
Ludo's non-neutered-status
Paying for Gas


I'm actually having to think in between each of these. I thought I would be able to just spout off a million things and get it off of my chest and feel better.

Really, all I needed was the first one. That's it.

And the guy who killed Chelsea and Amber. I hate him.

...keep reading below for a not-so-negative-and-crabby post. Well actually I guess it is kind of negative. Keep browsing to your next blog for a not-so-negative-and-crabby post.

Kristina

Life sucks, Eat Dessert

Ha ha. That title makes me laugh a little bit. Life really does just plain suck sometimes. I don't think there are many things that EVERYONE in the world can agree on, but I think cancer is one of those things. We all hate it.

The good news is that I've been so busy/crazy/whirl-windy (Kyle loves when I add random y's onto words... not.) that I haven't really had time to feel sorry for myself. Lots of time to feel sorry for my sweet lovely mother, though. She is one strong lady. But don't tell her that, she might yell at you. Aunt Trudi can attest to that.

The other good news is that I am totally 100% crazy in love with my lover-man Kyle. He has seen me with the ugliest non-made-up face and non-brushed-non-washed-hair and even non-brushed-teeth (f'reals) and he still checks me out when he thinks I'm not looking. Seriously? This boy must be crazy. Or maybe he just likes me, too.

He takes my stinky, pooh-beard dog home and snuggles with him and washes him. He does my dishes while I sit at the counter and stare out the window because I'm just so dang tired. He picks me up from the hospital early in the morning when he is nervous about me driving after not sleeping all night. He tells me to throw away the sweat pants I'm wearing because I'm only a few steps away from walking through Wal-mart in those sweats and a wife beater with my muffin top hanging over the sides. Ha ha. Gross.

He takes my face in his hands and kisses me hard and says, STOP FUSSIN', when I start to get especially down in the dumps. And he tells me that I need to pay my tithing or I will just stay poor forever. He makes me his specialty dinners when I'm not feeling good (like Uncle Noodles and Grilled Cheese and TCTs) and reminds me that I need to eat so I don't get headaches. He throws away all of his R-rated movies and doesn't whine about it at all. In fact he sells them all and puts the money into an "iPad fund" for my sick mama. He laughs when I say I feel like a mummy and reminds me that I probably mean zombie, but then starts saying mummy all the time anyway because he thinks I'm so funny.  

He pulls all of the weeds and sprays all of the bugs at my mom's. Prunes the trees and rakes the ground. He drives the 40-minutes-one-way every single day to see me because I can't come down there when it's so crazy up here.

Oh, and he is a full-time law student. Woops.

Tell the truth - how awesome is he and how totally UNawesome am I in this post? Oh man. I don't know why on earth he is still around but I'm sure glad. I would be a major mummy if I didn't have him. I'd have a mummy-mental-breakdown.

Thanks, Heavenly Father for sending him to me. I needed it.

-Kristina

I tried.

Oh, Mr. Taco.


- Posted from Kristina's iPhone

Buzzing

The blogger buzz is back in my brain. I don't know where it went for so long, or why it has returned, but I suddenly feel the need to say ridiculous things in a public forum so that semi-random-aquaintances and the older ladies in my ward can keep up on the surface-level details of my life and then talk amongst themselves about those Schroeder girls and how they just need to get married already.

Wow. Horrible sentence. In a lot of ways. But so very true.

Maybe I am feeling this way because I finally got a job and I'm currently answering phones all day and all night. Okay actually only like 6 hours a day. But now that I'm all productive and responsible it gives me a lot of time to think silly things in my brain instead of just saying them out loud. So they get locked up inside and then I just need somewhere to purge.

Today I am feeling extra silly because I got very little sleep, mainly due to the fact that Kyle and I lined up at the Apple store at an obscenely early hour for the iPhone 4. (I had to turn my headlights on when I drove there. That's how early it was. Oh and about halfway over there I tried to remember waking up and putting on my clothes and getting in the car but I honestly couldn't remember doing those things. Yep.)

We made lots of friends. The lady right in front of us had bright pink hair and told us about all of the times she has camped out for things. Disneyland passes, Chik-fil-a, Wii, you name it. Everyone was jealous I brought Jack in the Box for Kyle. We all laughed and shivered and became lifelong buddies. (A lifetime probably equals about 3 hours in this instance.)

So we waited and waited. And waited. But don't worry, we sure didn't get the phones. They ran out 8 people in front of us. 

Oh and don't worry, only about 10 people cut in line ahead of us when they moved the line. No big deal. 

I wish I got a video of Kyle's depressed Charlie Brown walk when we were leaving. If I had an iPhone 4 it would be in HD. So. That would be cool, wouldn't it?

Also, I just pushed the Insert button on my keyboard accidentally instead of Backspace. And apparently the person using this keyboard before me had some kind of sticky-substanced finger problem, which is now my problem.

Sweet.

...miss me?

-Kristina

Toddler Beds for Sale

Most of this last week I have been sitting on the tailgate of my love's truck, playing the only three songs I know on my new guitar and watching him slave away on his latest project. (He happens to be an expert carpenter. It's pretty manly and rugged. Not gonna lie.)

He has a way cool design for these toddler beds that is durable and strong but also incredibly light - and they fit crib mattresses! Oh, and they are adorable. And they're for SALE.

DEETS

28.5" x 60"

19" headboard

10.4" footboard

Absolutely NO visible screws

Solid white pine, paintable/stainable (Kyle will paint, just ask)

Durable but VERY light, strong enough for an adult to sleep on. A tiny adult.

Handmade with extra care for your sweet little toddler

Very low to the ground - no worrying about your little one getting hurt rolling off the bed!

Kyle is selling these hand-crafted beds for only $150, with free delivery to your home. (And none of those confusing, do-it-yourself-putting-together get ups that the toy stores are offering.)  BUT - he told me that he would give them to my friends for a discount, (what a gem) so you guys get 10% off if you go through me. I got your back, guys.

Only $135 for these beauties!

Send me an email at kristinaschro @ gmail.com or leave a comment, and we will get you set up.

Oh, I can just picture these sweet little kidlets all excited for their first bed and having one of these! Precious.

Long time.

Okay it's been a LONG time. I'm sorry. :( We got a family blog and so most of our posts are going there - we haven't really been good at doubling our posts up, though. Hopefully that will get better! 

Life is good for me right now. I'm starting my MBA program August 17 and will be moving up a week or so before then. Still don't have housing or a laptop... working on both. But I did get a SWEET guitar from my sweet man for my birthday - and that's kind of taken over my life lately. I love it so much. 

TDH and I are going strong and I am pretty much totally twitterpated. He gets more and more awesome everyday and it gets a little bit harder to think about leaving him in the fall. :( Boo. We play and watch Arrested Development and sing sweet songs and talk about our made up futures and listen to the ocean waves outside of his window. Yesterday we went to the fair and he tried to win me prizes while I ate a corn dog and we laughed and watched pig races and held hands.

We are kind of living those little sappy 1-minute sequences in movies where the lovey couple is on swings and making faces and laughing and talking on the phone and shoving ice cream in each others faces. 

It's pretty awesome.

That's all really. Except for the above post. Make sure to look at that. 

Kristina

Hi ho, hi ho, avoiding work we go

I'm going to Utah tomorrow for an amazingly long period of time (don't I always?) and I have so much to do beforehand and so little motivation to do any of it.

I told the man-friend the other day (as I was sitting on his couch, watching my 14th episode of the office in a row and looking up to watch him choose his blasted schoolwork over me, yet again) that it is a bit odd how on days where I do very little, I have NO motivation to do anything else. But on days where I start off busy, it's like you can't stop me. I keep having things pop in my brain that I need to finish and so I just keep going and going and going until my body caves in. (I just grossed myself out by writing that.)

That day was definitely one of the former type. I sat on his couch all day, and when he wanted me to go pick up a pizza for him, I really had the thought, "Um. Pizza places deliver. Hello," run through my mind as I snuggled in a little deeper to my blanket and stuffed the headphones in a little closer so I could hear Dwight's silliness all the way to my brain stem instead of just my ear drums. 

And then I laughed at myself and said of course I would go, but made him come with me. And then conveniently left wearing a ridiculous outfit that he was ashamed of, so he had to either get out of the truck and go get the pizza, or be embarrassed of his ragamuffin non-girlfriend. Oops.

Anyway... I wish today was one of those busy days where I accomplish more than one human being should be capable of accomplishing in one rotation of the earth. But since it's 10:30 and all I've managed to do so far is devour a delicious peanut butter cookie the size of my face and write a ToDo list and snuggle up next to Tucker and send hilarious, yet unappreciated texts to TDH and feel depressed looking at my bank statements and annoyed at my sisters for not answering my awesome email that I sent almost 11 hours ago...

I'm guessing it won't be. 

DANG IT KYLE WHY DID YOU ONLY PUT ONE SEASON OF THE OFFICE ON THIS IPOD! 

-Kristina

Law school

really, really sucks. 

And that's today's installment of Kristina P's&M's about everything. Talk to me on Saturday and I definitely will not be whining. 

...for at least a whole week until his summer semester starts.

-Kristina

P.s. If I can't even handle him being in school - how the heck am I going to handle starting my MBA program next fall? Especially considering the fact that I'm supposed to sign this: 

Okay, the picture is really bad. Blame my terrible blackberry. 

Basically I am signing a contract saying that I will have no life outside of school next year. No activities, no classes. No food or sleep. Okay that part isn't in there, but I'm no dummy - I can read between the lines.

Can't wait!

Unnecessary Quotes

I have blogged about this before, and I told TDH (I will not let you bully me into changing, Brooke!) about it last week for some reason - but I love unnecessaryquotes.com. It is so funny to me.

I submitted a picture about six months ago, and then earlier this year she emailed me to tell me that my picture was going to be put on her blog! Yippee!

Apparently it was exciting enough that I forgot about it until my conversation with the man this week. Oops.

Anyway, here's the link: http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com/2010/01/trigger-point-eh.html

I was at a job fair thing and this guy was offering "Trigger-Point" "Massage." And a wellness sceening. Ha ha.

Oh people of the world, you are so funny. And I'm famous!!

-Kristina

Sniffer Mc Snifferson

I don't know how many of you readers were at Amber's birthday dinner a few months ago at Hard Rock, but Calee made an outrageous claim that night that led to a really silly evening this weekend.

She said she could sniff a glass of soda and tell you if it was diet or regular.

Since then it has come up multiple times - and it's escalated from not only diet vs. regular to diet coke vs. regular coke vs. diet pepsi vs. regular pepsi. I know what you're all thinking -- NO WAY CAN SHE DO THAT JUST BY SNIFFING.

(As a credit to Calee: Our family has been known for having extraordinarily sensitive sniffers. My mom's sniffing is so distinct that I can even hear her doing it if I'm not looking. I know when she is sniffing something - like a truffle, for example, perhaps to tell what the filling is or how old it may be. Taylen can smell a piece of candy from a different room, even as Nikki is trying to open it as softly as she can to sneak a bite. And our newest member, Sam, fits right in. Go ahead and ask him his own sniffing tales. Ha ha ha. But maybe only do that if you don't have a very strong gag-reflex.)

I told Tall, Dark and Handsome, about this, and he has been just as amazed by it as I have been. So,TDH and I planned out this elaborate testing system last night and finally made Calee put her money where her nose is.

I wish we took more pictures but this is all I've got:

Note that she isn't holding the glass up to her mouth, but her nose. No tasting allowed.

We set up 16 glasses holding either Pepsi, Coke, or their diet alternatives. Except glass A2, which was the wildcard, Dr. Pepper. (A2 refers to the detailed numbering system that TDH wrote on his meticulously designed scorecards. I'm not sure if it's incredibly awesome or incredibly scary that I've found someone who gets as obsessed with/into stupid crap like this as I do.)

Verdict? She sucked. Ha ha ha. We determined that her percentages were low enough that her correct answers could not be proven to be more than chance. And that TDH and I are really ridiculously stupid.


Case in point:




-Kristina

Dear Calee,

You should post about Woofstock. Thanks. 

-Kristina

P.s. I need a summer internship. Please help.

Ooohhhhhhhhhh.......

I want it so bad. 

Oh Victoria's Secret. I love you so much. And if I had the money I would buy these so fast it's not even funny. 

Oh man. I am coveting so badly right now. So bad.

-Kristina

Mmmmmboy.

Sometimes when my days are poopy, and I'm feeling overwhelmed and discouraged, I like to come home after working out and snuggle with this little man:

And watch mildly attractive Dale perform surgeries with Kristina:
(Ooh Thursday nights...you are so good to me...)

Or maybe watch this Casey play his guitar and sing me a love song:

And if Casey's too busy, then Caleb

will sometimes serenade us...

And if we're really lucky, sweet little Archie will come sing us a song, too. Don't you just want to squeeze him!? And listen to him sing EFY songs?!
Goodness gracious.

Only on poopy days, I promise.

Loves, Calee

Interesting Nugget

from President Hinckley:

"Now I wish to say something to bishops and stake presidents concerning missionary service. It is a sensitive matter. There seems to be growing in the Church an idea that all young women as well as all young men should go on missions. We need some young women. They perform a remarkable work. They can get in homes where the elders cannot.

I confess that I have two granddaughters on missions. They are bright and beautiful young women. They are working hard and accomplishing much good. Speaking with their bishops and their parents, they made their own decisions to go. They did not tell me until they turned their papers in. I had nothing to do with their decision to go.

Now, having made that confession, I wish to say that the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve are united in saying to our young sisters that they are not under obligation to go on missions. I hope I can say what I have to say in a way that will not be offensive to anyone. Young women should not feel that they have a duty comparable to that of young men. Some of them will very much wish to go. If so, they should counsel with their bishop as well as their parents. If the idea persists, the bishop will know what to do.

I say what has been said before, that missionary work is essentially a priesthood responsibility. As such, our young men must carry the major burden. This is their responsibility and their obligation.

We do not ask the young women to consider a mission as an essential part of their life’s program. Over a period of many years, we have held the age level higher for them in an effort to keep the number going relatively small. Again to the sisters I say that you will be as highly respected, you will be considered as being as much in the line of duty, your efforts will be as acceptable to the Lord and to the Church whether you go on a mission or do not go on a mission.

We constantly receive letters from young women asking why the age for sister missionaries is not the same as it is for elders. We simply give them the reasons. We know that they are disappointed. We know that many have set their hearts on missions. We know that many of them wish this experience before they marry and go forward with their adult lives. I certainly do not wish to say or imply that their services are not wanted. I simply say that a mission is not necessary as a part of their lives.

Now, that may appear to be something of a strange thing to say in priesthood meeting. I say it here because I do not know where else to say it. The bishops and stake presidents of the Church have now heard it. And they must be the ones who make the judgment in this matter.

That is enough on that subject."

- Priesthood session, October 1997 

On my mind today. 

That's all. 

-Kristina

The men in my life

I like them dark and cuddly and nerdy.
Tuck has taken a liking to Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome. Can you blame him?

Happy Easter :)

Soggy

Last Saturday Tucker was at Fiesta Island. He ran and played and jumped and barked. He made some friends, and sniffed lots of things...not all of which are appropriate to be named on this blog...

While there, a goose honked at him from the water. Tucker was immediately offended and rushed into the water and started swimming after it!

The thing that makes this picture delightful to me is that Tucker does not like water. AT ALL. He will frequently howl in the bathtub and look at you as if to ask..."What did I do to deserve this?? Why do you HATE ME?!" Haha. Him and his little stinky beard.

Moral of the story: geese must be shown who's boss. Or maybe its that things we dislike seem less unsavory if we just focus on the ultimate goal. Or maybe its that small, bearded dogs who hate water hate geese more than said water.

Either way, I love this picture. He looks truly bedraggled.

Have a happy conference/Easter weekend, friends!

Literally on Cloud 9

I am about to write another post that gives you all a complex. Sorry. I was going to link to my previous posts that have done the same thing, but I didn't want to go overboard with the guilt.

(Sidenote: Calee and I talked about the possiblity of blogging this, and I asked if I should be worried about people getting a complex about it. She said no but I should be worried about looking like a B. ....Hm. My mind didn't even go there. Don't judge, people. It's all in good fun. Fun = mocking your habits that you're unaware of. Didn't you know that?)

Oh my goodness. I wanted to post a funny video right here to show what I'm talking about, but it just proved my flipping point for me. I put "literally" into youtube hoping for a silly snl or madtv skit about the ridiculous overuse of the word - and there came up about a MILLION listings. How many of them used the word correctly? Not many. 

Which brings me to my next point. 

I CAN'T HANDLE WHEN PEOPLE SAY LITERALLY WHEN THEY OBVIOUSLY DON'T MEAN LITERALLY. I just really can't. It makes me twitch. I told Calee about it a month or so ago and she just rolled her eyes and told me I was elitest and that it doesn't happen that often. But now that she's aware of it?? We hear it all the time together and she laughs at me while I fall into convulsions on the floor because my brain can't take it anymore. Literally. (See what I'm saying? It's annoying right?)

Some recent ones I've heard -

On the news: We are literally moving heaven and earth down here to find out...

Oh really? Literally moving heaven and earth? Wow. That must be some pretty intense equipment down there.

In an email: She was literally on cloud 9 after...

I sent this one to Calee and her response was, "Maybe she was standing atop a Cloud9 shuttle after the lesson? Literally."

Oh, Calee. You are a B, too.

Calee in the car (this one was a joke but still annoying): I was literally dancing up a storm.

She then laughed and pictured herself dancing and a storm being created. However if you were literally dancing up a storm, you would be moving vertically while boogying into the storm's abyss. That is literally dancing up a storm.

I can't even give you more examples because I am getting so cranky right now thinking about it. I've decided I'm going to start saying "metaphorically" or "figuratively" all the time. Just so people realize there are other adverbs out there that can be used in a more appropriate manner. Or hey, maybe you just don't say an adverb? Weird.

I'm going to go eat some chocolate or something to help with my frustration.

-Kristina

P.s. Who honestly doesn't like chocolate? I owe somebody brownies and asked if I could make these divine chocolate cupcakes instead with my mom's mouth-watering frosting. The answer? "Eh. I don't really like chocolate. Only milky ways and three musketeers and brownies. I don't know, I guess when I'm craving something sweet I want like a really good orange or something."

... WOW, really??? I can't even process that statement. It's like the Brian Regan sketch where he's reading the pop tart label and it tells him to place it vertically into the toaster and his brain explodes from the difficulty of it. That's how I felt. There must have been some kind of brainwashing involved during childhood; it's the only explanation I can think of. It's a sick, sick world we live in, people. Go hug your chocolate.

Holding Hands

I've been thinking a lot about the comforting ability of hands. I know that sounds weird but hear me out. I've had some awkward or uncomfortable situations lately, or even just moments of stress and panic. It's been interesting for me (especially since I've been thinking about it so much) to notice how my spirit can be calmed with just the touch of a hand.

Examples from lately?

I had a really heartbreaking conversation with someone really close to me last week. We looked at each other with tears and he put his hand on my cheek. I immediately felt understanding and kindness in the midst of a difficult situation.

At Nikki's house this weekend, I was jumping on the trampoline with the two sweetest little girls you will ever meet. Ryah bear got a little spooked at a particularly big jump, and her scared face was the cutest thing I've ever seen. In her moment of pure terror, she reached her hand out to me and I reached right back and saved her from falling on her face. She squeezed my hand hard and looked up at me to laugh once she realized everything was okay. I thought I would burst right then from how sweet and tender the little moment was.

I went to visit a friend at school and felt a little bit awkward since it was his element and not mine. I was surrounded by lots of strange faces and felt a little worried about what was going to happen. He reached down for my hand to lead me through the people, and I felt safe and secure and even a little silly for being so nervous.

Driving in the car tonight, there was a little silent moment that normally wouldn't be a big deal, but with my insecure and stressed brain right now everything gets blown out of proportion. I was starting to feel worried when he reached his hand across the seat and rubbed my knee for a minute. All of my stupid, misplaced worry went right out the window and I felt security and peace again.

See what I mean? It's cool. And it makes me think a lot about Jesus Christ and His pierced hands, and how they are the ultimate source of comfort and love.

I looked up "hands" on lds.org tonight and found this gem - it is so so fitting with my life right now. I love it.

The Lord Thy God Will Hold Thy Hand

The Savior's figurative and literal hands are where I need to place my trust. I have no reason to worry or stress, because ultimately He is in control. I have so many more experiences where I have felt total comfort, love, and protection from Him - just like those stories above. (Okay not just like. But you know what I'm saying.)

How grateful I am during stressful times like this to know that I am a part of a plan. A plan created by someone much more powerful and wise than myself - thank heavens. My plans definitely have not been the best ones so far. I know He is guiding me, slowly but surely, with His loving, broken, gentle hands.

I hope you read the article. It's a good one.

-Kristina

No Subject

We are going to Sacramento today and I am really glad. I need a sisters weekend, definitely. It's been a super emotionally draining week. I know we are always light and silly on here lately, but don't you remember the good old days of my depressed posts? I feel a bit that way today.

I don't really have anything to say other than that. Send me a nice text, will ya? I could use it.

-Kristina

Playlist

I'm currently listening to music. And it is making me very happy. I humbly suggest the following playlist to perk you (and your co-workers) up. Dancing around the office is strongly suggested. Strongly.

Mr. Roboto (Styx) <--I recommend putting this one on repeat. DDR.
Come Sail Away (Styx)
Walking on the Sun (Smashmouth) *Don't judge!*
Don't Stop Me Now (Queen)
Fat Bottomed Girls (Queen) <-- might want to close the office for this one. worth it.
Big Girl, You are Beautiful (Mika) <--while the office is closed.
Every Little Thing She Does is Magic (Police)
Billie Jean (MJ)
Can't Touch This (MC Hammer)
Paradise City (Guns N' Roses)
Holding Out for a Hero (Frou Frou)
Cold As Ice (Foreigner)
Friday I'm in Love (The Cure)
Hungy Like the Wolf (Duran Duran)

Add anything from your Sin Bandera collection and you're golden. Is this list cheesy? Yes. Is it completely appropriate for the office environment? It depends, I guess, on what industry you're in and who your co-workers are.

My co-worker just walked in on me doing the robot to Mr. Roboto. He told me Styx jumped the shark on that song. I told him I'd light him on fire if he ever bad mouthed Styx again.

Repeat is a beautiful thing.

Loves, Calee

P.S. I've got a secret that I've been hiding. It's under my skin.

This stuff really happens to me

I went to dog beach today with Jacob and Tucker. It was honestly the perfect day as far as the weather goes. So gorgeous. Don't worry that I got absolutely NO sun for some reason. My skin looks the exact same as it did yesterday. Bleh.

Those of you who have dogs know that when you go to a dog park or dog beach or some other dog gathering (like there are a lot of them?), you make friends with really random people. Usually you know all of the dogs' names and none of the people's names. Like "Oh! Molly's mom told me the cutest story the other day..."

It's weird. And I'm one of those people.

Today was no different. I met another Tucker and his mom, and we had a good laugh over the dogs getting confused at who was being called when. Then a boy starts asking me about Tuck (who wouldn't? He is seriously so adorable) and starts telling me about his puppy. We get through all of the normal dog questions and to the point where we normally would just sit and laugh at how cute our pets are, when things took a turn for the worse.

"So, uh, do you go to school around here?"

Oh jeez. Good line. I'm actually here with that cute boy surfing out there and totally uninterested in talking with you about anything other than your dog. Oh wait, I'm still inside my head at this point. Guess I better answer your question.

"Nope, I'm actually done with school."

I enjoyed his look of disbelief for a short moment, because it still to this day makes me a little tingly inside that I'm done with my BA. That tingly feeling immediately vanished with his next comment.

"Wait...you're already done with high school?!"

........................... WOW.

"Uh. College, actually."

....

We stopped talking.


Yep. Really happened.


-Kristina

I'm blogging over Calee right now

and I totally know it. The worst part is that I don't even really have anything to say, but I'm doing it anyway. Oops. 

I really like boys who know more about music than I do. 

Scratch that - I actually just think I really like boys who know more than me in general. Ha ha. I almost made a joke about that being impossible but then erased it so I don't look like a self-obsessed freak. But then I just retyped that so we all could see how humble I am. Not sure who wins, there.

I thought that I typed "ha ha" with a space because my phone made it hard to do it without a space. But if that is true, then why do I write it like that on this blog? A lot? Perhaps it's time to admit that I just like writing it like that and making people read it to themselves like they are the caterpillar in Alice and Wonderland. 

Also - we should put a little thing on the side of this blog that lets people read either all of Calee's stuff or all of my stuff. But I don't know how to do that. And heaven knows Calee won't do it. She just figured out how to work the dashboard of Blogger. Thus, the awkwardly placed Nat the Rat button to my right, on top of any of our profile info.

You know how they say good girls like bad boys? I used to think that was true about me, too. And when I say 'used to' I mean 'yesterday'. Turns out my rockin hot bad boy is actually not bad at all. Pretty squeaky clean, actually. Totally not disappointed about it, either.

Okay, wow. I am in a really odd mood and need to stop this before anything more ridiculous comes out of my brain. 

Sorry Calee for blogging over you. (Shaking head no while I type that.)

-Kristina

Dear Self:

You are very silly.

Very, very silly indeed.

Love, Calee

p.s. The people at Google have an incredibly sneaky operating procedure in place for anyone looking to buy the Nexus One. It goes a little something like this: Make it virtually impossible for anyone to get it at the discounted rate, frustrate them with long hold waits, underinformed customer service representatives, and conflicting policies. With any luck, anyone trying to purchase it will just get irritated enough to purchase it at the retail rate! Weee!

Not me, though. I take frustration like a champ. BRING IT.

Well, kind of. I'll let you know on Friday.

Wow.

I wish I could give full details of my dating life on here so you could all laugh along with how silly it all is. And post pictures, so you could drool over the hottie mc hotties that have strolled into my life lately. And divulge all of the details of the several incredibly awkward situations I've found myself in, so you can smile and shake your head as you hold your baby on your lap and thank your lucky stars that you're not me. Ha ha.

Oh well, too bad.

Maybe just a little taste:

Yesterday I'm leaving church with Calee. As we're walking, we see Hot Girl run into Hot Boy's arms for a little parking lot rendezvous. Hot Boy happens to be the same boy I was out with the night before.

It was like a slow motion scene of awkwardness.

Cherry on top? He sees us, looking over her shoulder as she's clinging to him like a flippin wetsuit. A side-wave, and a half-hearted "hey guys" to the two of us completes the picture.



.... kill me.


Where do I sign up for a mission, again?

-kristina

What happened??

When did my posts stop being so funny and witty and entertaining?? I've been sitting at work going through old posts and I really feel as though we've reached a sad state of affairs on this blog. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm just not as clever and saucy as I was six months ago. And YOU, poor readers, are the ones who are suffering (...assuming, that is, that anyone still reads this blog...). Horror!

I would like to make a promise that I will do everything I can to achieve once more my sassy blogging status. Are you excited? Do you love it? Did you say, "Billy, I love you?" Movie trivia.

P.S. Last week the fam sat around having a nice little convo about whatever, and the conversation turned to perfumes. Nikki, apparently, wears the new Ed Hardy fragrance. (Go ahead. Judge. I know I did.) Sam asked me what I wear while I was busy stuffing my face with crackers and mustard and slices of ham (mmmmm!!!!!!!). Instead of swallowing and trying to speak like a normal person, I rushed to say "Viva la Juicy" with my mouth full. To my chagrin, however, "Viva la Juicy" is NOT what came out.

I informed everyone within hearing distance that I wear "Viva la Douchey"! Haha!! And when I rushed to correct myself and say it properly?? ...Yeah, I said it again, only the second time MUCH louder. I think I kind of screamed it, actually. Awesome. Just thought I'd share.

Have a good weekend :)

Peas in a pod. Sort of. And a phone.

Tucker loves Shaun. Shaun loves Tucker. This is Shaun stuffing Tucker up his shirt to experience what being pregnant might feel like. Tucker was so comfy, he didn't want to come out! Not even poke his little puppy head out. He just sat there like a little lump, content to be snuggled in a rather suffocating way.

Tucker was rather disgruntled over being forced to stick his head out of his warm cuddle spot for a picture.

Friends, you've all been very good sports over my poopy-quality BlackBerry photos. I have wonderful news for you all!!

THIS BABY:

will be taking my camera phone pictures from now on

...well, starting next week...

::hopefully::

I'll fill you all in as soon as I get my hands on my new Nexus One!! WOOO!!

loves - Calee

PROOF

That I am a grandma.

In addition to this lovely non-matching masterpiece, I'm also making a baby blanket for a friend's baby shower this weekend. Just in case it turns out hideous and I have to purchase something to replace it with I won't say who that friend is. Of course, I don't have that many friends so it shouldn't be too difficult to figure out if you really wanted to...and if that sounds like something fun you'd like to spend time doing, I'd suggest you find a hobby. Like, crocheting large, mismatched, scratchy blankets.

I'm j/k. It's not that scratchy. It just has those little fibers that itch your nose if you cuddle with it too close to your face. I call the blanket pictured above my LOST blanket. That's roughly seasons 1 & 2's worth of crocheting. If you look closely, you can see where it gets tighter in some spots (these are moments like Jack almost cutting off what's-his-name's leg, or the creepy 'Make your own kind of music' montage right before Kate gets eaten by the hatch...ick).

Anyways. Just thought I'd share.

p.s. the "Splash into Me" parody of Dave Matthew's "Crash into Me" (about a bidet) does NOT belong on my ipod's 'Muy Espiritual' mix...

Mr. Postman

My dad came in the house today with a huge pile of mail. Apparently my mom has always been the mail-getter, and since she's been sick that hasn't happened a whole lot lately.

Either way, I never get mail down here. Mainly because I didn't change my address and I'm sure there are a lot of annoyed girls living in my old apartment where all of my (and all of my ex-roommates') stuff shows up. Ha ha. It is a long tradition of no one who ever lived there changing their address when they move. We used to get stuff from people who had lived there as long as ten years before us.

It's part of the secret code. The girls living there now have my permission to not change their address when they move out in April. You're welcome, girls.

Because of this, I was very surprised when my dad threw two huge envelopes on my lap. I'm actually not sure if they qualify as envelopes or packages. Packvelopes of goodness.

The first was very exciting, and something I've been meaning to tell you guys but just haven't gotten around to. I think the Scarlet Fever had something to do with that.

Excuse the poor quality photo. My excitement made me shake a little bit and so it's fuzzy:

And my new keychain which I am really excited about for some reason:

Woot woot!! That is fun news.

The second Packvelope? Ha ha. You guessed it, loyal blog-readers. The day we have all been waiting for is finally here. It's a few copies of the March 2010 New Era, of which I am a proud contributor. And when I say proud I mean, I was too embarrassed to send a picture in to go along with the silly, ridiculous article I wrote when I was 12. (See history of this by clicking here.)

I didn't even sign the paperwork and send it back in because I was so embarrassed. Turns out they published it anyway. It's just that good, guys.

Not.

Just in case you missed the name though, I got a close up.

Ohhh what a silly day. I wonder what the mailman will bring tomorrow?

-Kristina