I'm a Zombie.

But it's okay. I'm a zombie with a purpose. I'm going to pack and clean and get my car fixed. And then I'm leaving. I'll start school and work and be busy all day and all night long. Remember how I'm not planning anymore? I'm sticking to that. I don't know how long I'll be a zombie but I've accepted the fact that I am. The hardest part is getting out of bed. If I can tackle that monster, then I already am a little further than I was a minute ago.

Then I make myself shower, get ready. Put food in my mouth, chew, swallow even though I am always just a half-second from it coming back up again. Clean the dishes. Talk to someone. Do my random errands that don't mean anything. Read my scriptures, get in bed. Lay and stare at the ceiling and not think. But keep breathing. Just keep breathing and not thinking.

Thinking brings tears. Not that that is bad, but I am just tired of tears right now. I'm tired.

I'm going to watch a movie. It's nice to be in someone else's world for a few hours and forget reality. Movies are good. And then I'm cleaning and packing. I can plan that far, right? Only day plans.

Zombie day plans.